Please accept an apology | Curated Post

Divine Union

Yesterday at 02:36 ·

Dear Men/Male Twins

On behalf of the collective feminine, please accept an apology for using the feminine pain body
For devaluing you
For blaming you
For shaming you
For criticizing you
For saying you’re not awake
For being more superior than you
For possessing you
For using sex as bait to try to keep you
For controlling you
For resenting you
For flinging our pain at you
For constantly emasculating you
For being desperate for your attention
For being desperate for you
For being in grief over you
For suffering over you
For finding fault with you
For constantly labeling you as a runner
For demanding your love
For trying to consume you with emotions
For using you as a scapegoat
For keeping you a prisoner in our hearts

We release you into your holiness and set you free

-Nicole Gayle

https://nicolegayle.com/about/

The promise of a Shaman

The promise of a shaman

If you come to me as a victim I will not support you.
But I will have the courage to walk with you through the pain that you are suffering.
I will put you in the fire, I will undress you, and I will sit you on the earth.
I will bathe you with herbs, I will purge you, and you will vomit the rage and the darkness inside you.
I'll bang your body with good herbs, and I'll put you to lay in the grass, face up to the sky.
Then I will blow your crown to clean the old memories that make you repeat the same behavior.
I will blow your forehead to scare away the thoughts that cloud your vision.
I will blow your throat to release the knot that won't let you talk.
I will blow your heart to scare fear, so that it goes far away where it cannot find you.
I will blow your solar plexus to extinguish the fire of the hell you carry inside, and you will know peace.
I will blow with fire your belly to burn the attachments, and the love that was not.
I will blow away the lovers that left you, the children that never came.
I will blow your heart to make you warm, to rekindle your desire to feel, create and start again.
I will blow with force your vagina or your penis, to clean the sexual door to your soul.
I will blow away the garbage that you collected trying to love what did not wanted to be loved.
I will use the broom, and the sponge, and the rag, and safely clean all the bitterness inside you.
I will blow your hands to destroy the ties that prevent you from creating.
I will blow your feet to dust and erase the footprints memories, so you can never return to that bad place.
I will turn your body, so your face will kiss the earth.
I'll blow your spine from the root to the neck to increase your strength and help you walk upright.
And I will let you rest.
After this you will cry, and after crying you will sleep,
And you will dream beautiful and meaningful dreams,
and when you wake up I'll be waiting for you.
I will smile at you, and you will smile back
I will offer you food that you will eat with pleasure, tasting life, and I will thank you.
Because what I’m offering today, was offered to me before when darkness lived within me.
And after I was healed, I felt the darkness leaving, and I cried.
Then we will walk together, and I will show you my garden, and my plants, and I will take you to the fire again.
And will talk together in a single voice with the blessing of the earth.
And we will shout to the forest the desires of your heart.
And the fire will listen and whisper the echo, and we will create hope together.
And the mountains will listen and whisper the echo, and we will create hope together.
And the rivers will listen and whisper the echo, and we will create hope together.
And the wind will listen and whisper the echo, and we will create hope together.
And then we will bow before the fire, and we will call upon all the visible and invisible guardians.
And you will say thank you to all of them.
And you will say thank you to yourself.
And you will say thank you to yourself.
And you will say thank you to yourself.
~ author unknown

Redeeming the starseed destinies

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - Freydoon Rassouli

Sometimes I can't understand how I can have so many different strands of DNA within this one body of mine.

Indian

Pakistani

African

Some British

Starseed

My Higher self is actually on track with the ego demolition, it's just that my ego is requiring a lot of time to understand that I actually matter, that all his healing is necessary and that I matter.

When one dies, and a Sufi must die continuously upon the path, all the people who are still "alive" will cease to make much sense.

Forgiveness and detachment become slightly easier.

Silence becomes the most favoured response.

There is no need for the old ties, and as such, they must be cut and severed.

May we each find our true ways, those of purity

And, you know what, it's perfectly okay for me to be openly a starseed. No point in hiding it, it's evident even to those who cannot understand why they stare...

I am a bringer of the light, just like each of us... so why the big fuss?

Subconscious Implosions

Making Allowances

We each are allowed to not cope on any given day. Right now, deep breathing seems to be my biggest issue for the moment.

I've collapsed, imploded upon myself - yet again.

Bringing myself to write this is only because writing in in my blood, my soul and I have been so disconnected from anything creative inside of me for such a long time, I have disconnected from myself.

I had to be signed off from work by a GP who wasn't the best at empathy on Monday, for a week, because I was finding it difficult to be at work, around all the people who frankly don't have the same subtlety that is required for my energy right now. There's such a lack of control, and people are unhappy within themselves and taking it out on me or around me. It's just no longer acceptable.

Total Collapse and Failure

I feel like such a failure as a human being, as a light worker, as a healer, as a female, as Sukaina right now.

But it is what it is. There's not much I can do if my subconscious or whatever has just collapsed and felt overwhelmed. This happens when one is very unhappy with the way life has turned out.

I've been trying to catch up on eight long years of not healing myself in the correct manner.

I finally have someone genuine doing Emotion Code for me, as well as training myself to become a shaman. I guess I broke down because I did this all very rapidly since January 2019.

I have also been to the people who aren't really trained to sort out my energy properly, training themselves. I went to them because that's going to be me at some point. But that wasn't right, and Jane had told me this! You learn the hard way sometimes.

These Cages Are Chafing My Soul

 

My soul is feeling so caged inside this small box of a life I've created for myself, because I thought this is all I could do, all I could manage, all that the world has to offer me.

It isn't as devastating as it has been in the past - maybe because I've been through all of this so many times before, you just look at yourself in the mirror, looks deep into your eyes - and give a huge shrug.

How Is It That Other Healers Are Feeling None of This Collapse?

 

Instagram can be both inspirational and not good for you at the same time. I'm happy for all the artists and activists, etc, who are going from strength to strength in every photograph - not a SINGLE one of my favourite artists or new Pakistani talent seem to be at ALL affected by ascension energies.

Always out, doing something, being amazing - none of this heal your inner trauma and inner child, subconscious trauma shit. None of that - at all.

I find that to be really amazing - how do they pull it off? They evidently are healers - so then?

I don't have much to say - I don't know who I am as the ego is being ripped apart from me daily. At least I've stopped the crying. Some of the numbness has come back.

I'm lacking sleep that has been rejuvenating, and physical energy.

All my friends are away from me during this time - I fell to the position of "begging" my cousin to please call me so I could feel that I have some family who care about me - I even said he was as close to a brother to me as anyone ever would be - he still didn't call me.

NEVER BEG ANYONE, REALLY, TRY YOUR BEST TO SELF SOOTHE.

My powers of manifesting **** masculine energies are always amazing to me.

And also, quite frankly, without any harsh and fiery, or acidic Scorpionic judgements, lightworkers and healers are as messed up as the ones who aren't awake or healers.

Seriously, man!

I still was blessed with having cafe quality cake two days in a row. Jaffa orange and dark chocolate cake, which was amazing - even though I was blubbing tears in front of my manager because it felt so crap I was so sick.

And strawberry cheesecake today.

I was able to spend time with some sweet kids today, and a sweet neighbour.

Almost getting back to normal.

Will have to protect myself from the energy of Brexit because that's half of the reason I collapsed; I couldn't take the bs. I wonder how many counsellors and psychotherapists are having clients speak about the anxiety and sadness this entire fiasco is causing them. Mine had to listen to my own experience of this yesterday.

Life in the UK just isn't ideal for someone like me any longer.

There is hopefully a way to realign my energy towards wherever I need to go, and do whatever I need to do.

Admin is not where I am meant to be.

Come on, yaar... I really need to find a place to start learning to do Bollywood and modern dance.

My brow chakra is quite blown open (sinuses).

God have mercy on me!

The Insanity of the Lives I Left Behind

Image by manfredrichter on Pixabay

Disconnection

These times of healing are shit difficult. I'm not even going to censor the swear words today.

I am finally reaching a point of balance within myself. Some days it feels like I am really inhabiting this body, that the fingers are mine, the soles of the feet are mine .

My expressions become more poetic and eloquent, and I'm not focussed or obsessed on how perfect other people are.

Some days are like this.

But most days, the insecurity and the low self esteem of lifetimes comes to the surface.

Now, the thing is, I still don't know or maybe I don't want to clear the emotions the moment they come up.

I know the basics of emotion Code and can use a magnet on my conception meridian and clear it.

I told myself ages ago, I ought to.

But, heck, do I actually heal myself that way? Heck.

Image by johnhain on Pixabay

The situation for me as a whole stifles and ekes me out; the circumstances I find myself in are increasingly suffocating.

I can't be with the birth family any longer.

Either they have failed gloriously in the task to awaken to love and truth, or they were never meant to.

Can't have any conversations with them; I sound crazy to them.

What's worse is the disrespect I still receive from them, and none of them reflect upon their own selves to question if ever I have been correct in following my own soul's voice.

All my illusions are now being shown to me.

I still don't feel like going out, or doing anything fun. It's literally been healing after healing after healing. And working to earn money. The joy that I worked hard to garner within me has gone for this job.

I'm here because I still haven't found a way forward. Making mistakes due to the fact I really just don't care any longer.

I work in an environment whereby even if they were light-workers or healers, one would never know because of the amount of bs and crap that's brought into the workplace. There have been many days of recent I leave with physical issues in stomach or mind - I still am struggling with psychic protection. It feel, to me, that I keep picking up on their negative entities. I can't afford to do this another day.

Image by StockSnap on Pixabay

It takes at least 50 deaths to wake up, and trust me, I'm just on the first level.

God, where do I go from here? Show me.

Friendships would therefore be difficult to maintain or form, because all the ones before were based on my continuing to be dysfunctional and broken.

There are two or three people I wish to still remain friends with, but they don't care for me the way I care for them.

All of them are males.

And I have to cut cords and let them go, because for some reason I bring nothing to their lives which is positive or noticeable.

Waking up is shit difficult. I seem to just keep losing people, even the good ones... And one of them IS actually awake.

Lekin kya karein? You can't resist this world and the shifting energetics that occur within us.

Souls that were so close to me become so distant. Such is life.

There is also goodness, but we don't give details of goodness because the nature of the internet has become so perverse that energies are drained and attacked, and that's no longer tolerable or tolerated.

May we all heal ourselves.

There's a lot of crap flying around, a lot of lives still living within us even though we outlived those realities.

My prayer for those who are both awake and not: slow down, reflect, heal, wake up, and help each other to rise.

I find myself wishing to engage with certain creative souls, vocal souls, but the noise and chaos feels too much, I step back.

Maybe I'll feel very different in a few months time when I've gotten my own shit together.

But as of now, cooking a decent meal for myself and getting to this 9-5 job and working as best I can with a bunch of unaware, unhappy, disconnected souls is the best I can do.



Keeping silent and clearing judgements brings much grace.

That's something I've gone into seclusion this weekend to work on.

All of a sudden, I'm actually speaking to people like Waqas Ali and Isam Bachiri (whom I sort of idolise due to them being powerful older souls who've just paved the way for abundance and healing music and saved me from much deeper sorrow)... On Instagram, but still! Waqas actually replied to me, and it felt so validating.

As though, again, I now exist on this planet.

And now, need to drag this body exhausted from past life healing up to do the mundane chores I wish I didn't have to do every damned weekend.

It's not what I came here to do.

But it is what I find myself doing.

These are not complaints, just realisations of where I am and where I wish I was in life.

Image by geralt on Pixabay

In the end, to be as humble as dust, one pays the price of humiliation and a complete stripping down of any artifice and fakeness, lies and deceit towards oneself and God.

Peace x

One Soul, Many Lifetimes...

Conformity

I begin, as always, with the name of the Divine, great Spirit, the one who has a thousand names. Each soul whispers to the divine in secret, yet in full view of others, we place so many masks and block the connection.

Conformity is ruining my current incarnation. I didn't confirm in other incarnations, and suffered such wounds, I don't wish to repeat it all over again.

Unawakened and insecure people fear Light. They have been given the power to destroy. They don't listen, they ignore medicine women.

It is 2018. Things ata greatly different.

Yet, I still conform.

I still run after people, who are good, but don't want to be in my sphere. The energies shifted since last August. I have to really open up and let go of all of the relationships.

I just scrape by, and these are not complaints; these are simple observations about my experience.

Heart-cording

I somehow met someone, online, we got on well. I sensed he was a soulmate, but it ended very quickly - because he wasn't willing to open to the reality that all connections are divine. All he wanted to do was sexxualise me. I told him to sexualise a woman to the exclusion of love and honour, this degrades her, and the soul connection. It has no foundation, and is a fear-based act. Which is understandable.

He blocked me, with very little respect.

Who wants to love and to be loved, with intense vulnerability, paradox, and no labels - real stuff - when we can live in fantasy of fucking and pounding or having our way? Blocking the very real emotions and regrets on mucking up our lives and having to rebuild from scratch?

Who wants to be reminded that one needs courage to let go of that which has become harmful BEFORE we go for something that is in our best? Our destiny?

His words and ideas, just like the others before him, were stained with Imran's scent, except they were even more eloquent than mine (such a turn on).

This makes me understand that it's not them doing it on purpose, it is still that malignant masculine trauma seeping through all the males I come across.

We are so very connected. I may not feel connected, and I forget to connect on a soul level first, but we are.

words by nayyirah waheed

He blocked me on social media before I had a chance to apologise. Do I have anything to apologise for? Yes. I wanted to give him a safe space to express his shadow, but he wasn't able to reciprocate. So my ego kicked in, and I told him unfiltered truths. I blocked the sex chat because he was cheating on his wife, and I was enabling him. This staining my own soul, and blocking my own path of integrity.

A friend of mine told me that I had made a mistake talking about spiritual things. That men can't handle it, and they reject and run away. Which hurts more because they reject your core.

I am certain this is now an outdated thought-form. Very much so. Just because we are naive and unaware healers, and just because we attract those who are in masculine darkness, does not reflect the fact that the rest of the world is moving forward. Male musicians, artists, filmmakers, thinkers, writers... The "right sort". The connected lot. They all exist - they may all be hooked up and married, committed, but they do exist.

I just randomly saw a Hassan Minhaj fan and the artwork he does. I was blown away. Especially since he not only lives in London, but he also lives in my very own neighborhood, has a cat and is a practicing Muslim.

His art is stunning. Find him on Instagram under the handle "mastahgram". This is an aligned soul; fully aligned with purpose and faith, etc.

We traumatised souls, who have had it extra difficult to let go and expand, whether male or female...

But they also reject their own truth.

I can't be with people who are too wounded, who haven't even questioned their beliefs, who don't respect women for whatever reasons, who haven't given themselves the freedom to "be".

I will continue to love him (I had corded into him, from my heart, but only into his hand; I was an option, apparently) because my soul's lesson is to transmute into love. Plus, loving people heals them and it feels so good. I still have a heart wall, and so need to demolish it piece by piece.

I refuse to carry any more crap into future incarnations, which I will then be paying a healer weekly to remove.

Do we even realise how much of another's life we are living?

These lives we lead, unless we are experts at energy removal in the moment, are not even ours.

And this, this, this, is the reason I must become a kickass healer. Not for any fame or game. There's no prestige in being an energy cleaner. Clearing crap that should never have continued from the point of inception.

I mean, it causes so much mess.

Reconnection to Self and to Allah

This is key. Everything else has fallen away. I swear, it feels like every year I go through multiple deaths. This is because I forget who I am and where I am going.

Last year, I allowed my ego to take over when I was planning to go to my cousin's wedding. From the moment I left home, my ego was in charge. The arrogance of having money, travelling, the delusional aspects of my going to a Pakistani wedding, the illusions I had around families and my links with them... And the ignorance I had around exactly how many attachments and entities I had...

I was overly obsessed with form. Delusional regarding expectations and what I was doing. Lipstick, eyeshadow, chuuriyan, clothing, mehendi, etc. I didn't realise what a humbling experience my soul had chosen, whereas on that same playing ground, everyone else had fun, grew and thrived.

But we need to go through these trials, and they propel us towards ourselves.

It has taken me so long to do Emotion Code consistently, to book a session with a bona fide, humble light language healer, to do more shamanic soul retrieval.

And, had I done it before the wedding, or before Spain, I wouldn't have been in such situations that disrespected me, that showed me up as someone with an empty cup, and having nothing to offer.

Even my cousin has left my sphere, the one who came to me in 2016 when I was so lost, rudderless (once again, the online guy had a vocabulary even better than mine), and bereft of hope.

Disconnection. From a deep, soul level. From first point of incarnation and I just added to it.

What I Truly Desire

I desire to sing in that free voice that is emerging, I wish to dance unfettered, with others who are truly in sync with life.

I desire to create a centre that is so much blessed with God's love, and architecturally a miracle. Loads of windows and trees..

We could teach healing arts, and people can do yoga and meditation, and pray, and shift.

I want to somehow be able to shift things on a fundamental core level. War, famine, homelessness, ignorance, the manner we treat starseed children needs to change.

The truth is, none of us, none of us needs to go through karmic cycles any longer.

I don't need to be so disconnected.

I am so disconnected, I forget to drink enough water, take supplements, go outside for walks, I forget everything that's good for me, but I will fight for others.

I am slowly feeling energy in the cells. My hearing is sharper, my fingers and toes feel more electricity.

And I'm still playing small.

Shamanic Journeying

I finally was willing to journey this evening. Went into the Chamber of Wounds, and saw my core wound, with all the other wounds trailing off of it.

Clear the core, the others will crumble like in dominoes.

Went into the Chamber of Contracts and vows.

All my contracts are outdated now. Cancelled all of them. All of this has tired me out, and can't move now.

Oh well.

Thank you for reading. Hopefully, there will be a time I will write once more, without the desperate desire for fame and reknown.

My current concern is that with all contracts expired, I won't have any family and friends.

Again.

But, I do have Coke Studio and Nescafé Basement.

And it's not always about having people around. It's about being the best version of oneself, of being there in the darkness of others (protected from now on) and doing the healing work.

It's scary.

I don't have skills.

But that's the current trajectory...

May I find it through. Kind of like Hassan Minhaj (what an inspiration).

Sheru

If I could find the time to find the Tarot deck I have hiding somewhere in my room, I am sure that I would have pulled out the Tower card today.

My Beloved creator, what secrets do You hide and then reveal, smashing it all up?

I thought I was in a good place. But then I realise that this ego of mine ensures that I delay every single good, healing session or action, it blocks it. I forget, or I distract myself by writing to strangers on Twin Flame forums, trying to persuade them to let go of their misconceptions, or on LinkedIn, trying to find some positive networking opportunity that would bring me my abundance.

It's all a smoke screen. Living weekend to weekend, not having souls friendships on which to lean on for love and support, not even BEING that friend myself because I can't cope, and most people I meet, I see their souls and the light and love, but that doesn't mean that there is a real connection.

My routine was changed for me in December and January. Majorly crippling flu that made me go a bit nuts. But at least it allowed me to book all the healing sessions that I have been denying myself.

And, the revelations. This is the second weekend my body feels as though a truck slammed into it. So much old crap that is stuck in my body. I can't speak for anyone else because our experiences are so varied. But my own body, my heart, my mind, my soul...

I've also finally removed enough to get things going. Finally sourced some plant medicine, need to journal every day.

I can divorce myself from the emotions and still see things from the condor's perspective. From soul perspective. This really is just ONE of my incarnations. It feels like this is the "s**t clearing" incarnation. That's all I've been doing, a lot of hard graft and little fun. Leaking energy, healing others through my life and my body and my mind. Portals, and all that stuff that I don't even have a conscious awareness of, eight years after superficially waking up.

I had a really awful panic attack at work on Friday, and that was a very humbling experience, because it was over a really silly mistake I made, and I judged myself and felt so much same. It was also in front of three colleagues of mine, which increased my shame.

I thought I was going to make a new friend, but the experience just showed me to have compassion for myself, the other person and circumstances, and to trust my radar.

These distractions are very valuable learning experiences, and luckily I don't even have to leave home and meet people whilst having them. This is such an introverted time for me, a time of massive self reflection and healing.

People are feeling the pushes and the discomfort, but most still distract and don't have an idea what's going on.

I heard about someone having just lost two young male friends to suicide over the Christmas period. The men are struggling a lot with the stuff, but so are the women.

It's no longer a gendered phenomenon, it's about who has the courage to heal and who doesn't.

I don't, I didn't, and then something awful or humiliating occurs, and I have to put my inner child back in focus. My self love in focus.

Sheru

Lion is a film. It is a divine film. It is a healing film. I began watching it on Wednesday, and cried and cried. It triggered something so raw inside of myself. Children are going through so much, as are the adults.

Now.

In 2019.

Now.

Then I had another Emotion Code session with my practitioner, and my inner child showed her a lot of things very traumatic past life that hadn't healed up until now.

Egypt, child, parents just dumped me in the street as a child and abandoned me. And I had to somehow survive. The police and adults tormented me, tortured me, harassed me, and I died of starvation. This is the second lifetime in Egypt, the first was with Imran - caused a lot of chaos, and died alone - again.

I'm crying as I write this.

It explains a lot about my fears. About being abandoned.

It explains why I used to be devastated every time someone left my life, friends, lovers.

Why I have closed my heart so much, I can't see beyond my pain.

Why I'm always scared of being poor and dying on the street.

Why I cry when I see that this stuff is being repeated daily in this insane planet.

Why I haven't felt safe anywhere on this planet, except in Najaf and Kerbala.

No child should still be going through this. No adult.

And now my life path has become much clearer.

I will work with the children, purely doing the healing work. Clear the emotions as I see them attach, so no one is living the life of a 34 year old but following traumas from birth onwards. Or past lives onwards.

There is now no need for it.

Anyway, what I must stress to the healers and the female twin flames, is please can we get over ourselves as far as the wound about being played a fool by a man or woman? Please can we?

There are bigger fish to fry.

All souls are one soul.

All of us are one soul.

All of us are from the same Creator and we need to do what we came here to do.

I would personally recommend Emotion Code as a good way to clear, and also Jane Ward as the healer. She's amazing, and very affordable compared to others equally good but expensive.

I now have to end, as the processing of this healing is continuing. I must sleep and heal.

I am grateful for this burden being taken away from me, my heart feels lighter, I am able to channel information a lot better, and I was able to do some shopping even though I did freak out towards the end.

Do the healing work until the time you are free. Commit to YOURSELF like no lover ever has or will do.

And be compassionate to all those who aren't on this same path, and those who will not choose to do this.

Because, it ain't easy. And I have noticed that souls have chosen easier and more flowing lives because they wanted a break to enjoy life. And sometimes be obnoxious as a result.

Such is the intricacy of existence.

Flood and Release

I have desired to put my words onto paper for a while.

However, Life has been experiencing turbulence, and I can hardly choke out words.

Daily, I witness with my soul the incomprehensible pain and suffering each human and animal is experiencing. This, of course, includes my current human incarnation.

I witness women who have not spoken for so long, and are now unable to keep silent.

People are still without homes, and yet, somehow, they are producing more children to be brought up in extremely challenging circumstances.

I've been under very difficult circumstances for the past three to four months. There has been no fun, no creativity, just a bunch of crap, to be very honest.

Misunderstandings like no other. Extreme energy loss, confusion. Loss of time and resources.

One positive thing is the ending of all these useless soul contracrs with people, specifically blood relatives. The love was always one sided. Now it is a peaceful distance we have, and energy will restore itself.

Being stuck in role upon role, circumstance after circumstance that are not feeding me; instead it feels as though I've returned to the ghost-like state I had come to London with in 2007.

Can a soul, a life, regress so much?

I'm amping up the healing that I have delayed. This idea that healing takes time is a fallacy.

I made mistakes with a particular Pakistani origin healer from 2010-2016 and am still wracked with regret in 2019, and mistrustful of my intuition and discernment? Surely not?

Delaying our healing only ensures we are living the lies for longer.

Each of my trusted healers can only help me with a part of this mess, but because I have worked with each of them, and have felt the deep, pure love and integrity that comes from souls who went through hell only so as to heal others in that same hell, I can see.

I see that I backtracked in order to become dust upon the path.

Real dust, squeezed from the core of my soul, plucked from my essence.

The prerequisite for this is one humiliating experience, one frustration after another.

Emotion Code has become my saving grace after figuring out who was the right person to go to for healing.

My intention is to refine myself to such a heightened degree, I will actually be able to shift the energy of a fractured soul remotely, without ever meeting them, being beholden to one another, and if not realistic, without their knowledge.

For this is what I am now seeing in my reality. Beautiful, empowered, powerful healers who are NOT afraid of their abilities.

And yes, I was finally guided to them the moment I asked God to stop playing the karma cards with me.

But even when I ask, I'll get a burst of real awareness, and then it fades away.

Right now, I'm feeling very liquid, and high after receiving the 6th and 7th Nusta Karpay shamanic rites of the goddesses.

That then fades away but for now, I feel clean.

Which is why I am expressing whatever this is, on here.

Right now, there is no loneliness. Because we opened up the third eye and the crown, I am currently swimming in a golden river of connection with Allah.

May I fall in love with Thee all over again. You need to regain my trust in Thee. You promised me so much over the last 8 years, and it was all illusion.

No one wants to accuse God of that betrayal, but my human self can only see it as such.

The last so many months, I have been so disconnected from you, the humans and their issues wrecked me.

As did my own.

Let's see how it goes...

Oh, and I finally had the courage to accept that I lied to myself for 8 years.

Imran isn't my twin flame. He will not enter my life in this incarnation again.

He used to be my twin, but since I prayed for release two years ago, on my knees, writhing, the timeline changed.

I'm now okay with the fact I lied to myself, or didn't get the correct alignment with current timeline.

His email to me two years ago threw me off.

Now, in retrospect, I realise it was a "petra", a test, and although I have grown enough not to take his behaviour as an indicator of my worth, I now realise all the time he said he was getting sacred dreams of guidance, I didn't get any dreams or guidance.

In genuinely connected and blessed relationships, both partners dream of one another. They both are connected telepathically. And the boy actually loves the girl. And the girl loves the boy, which I don't any longer. Not in that pure, demented, unconditional manner.

What a waste of my life... Really.

Such a big learning.

At this rate, I think I have made it to remain unattached.

Oh well, the learning becomes less messy with the no one else's life to mess up, or time to waste.



It makes pragmatic and logical sense, but I pray my soul dissolves the loneliness that this brings up.

Love In Darkness | Curated Post

✝️✝️✝️ Love In Darkness

With each experience comes greater learning and growth, learning to love someone in their darkness is one of the greatest lessons of all, it’s a conflict not many of us know how to face.

If we are focused on their darkeness we are pulled out of our light and that’s when it can become draining, it also creates an environment where the other person uses you as their point of light and steps out of their own alignment. Without realizing we disempower them by the underlying desire to fix them, it’s who we are, naturally we will bring light and people will always gravitate to that but if we aren’t careful we will be pulled into their darkness and rather than guide them through their learning we try to absorb and live it for them.

We don’t see people as they are we see them for who we know they are underneath but what we have to remember is not everyone is ready to be seen. Accepting people in all their mess and allowing them the space to heal and resolve is the hardest thing to do, trusting yourself enough to stay in your own alignment no matter where the person goes in that darkness’s is the lesson, your light will always bring them back but should you waver then neither of you can find the commonality required to heal the space.

Ascended Vibrations LLC
30 December 2018 at 13:54 ·

self expression

I'm finding it a bit easier to express to people verbally how I feel.

And at the same time, I am finding some really unhappy people taking out their crap on me, the last was a new mother who came to my workplace and treated me like a servant. The funny thing is that she was from what is classed as an oppressed ethnic minority. I just tolerated her, as my energy has worn thin with humans at this time.

This year has shown to me all the places whereby my ego has been grabbing onto things and people and experiences that are not for me.

Creativity has been blocked entirely, and I am working on healing some stuff inside of me, to help me progress.

As usual, I am alone in this, and lonely.

As usual, ghosts from the past come to haunt me in the silent, darkness at night. I speak to them, I tell them how I feel, there is no answer, not even to my "salaam".

I have been distracting myself with Indian cinema and Bollywood interviews. Makes me happy to a least be associated with Indian lineage, even if my own particular family's lineage is mightily f*cked up.

I have made some firm decisions, that I am now awaiting my dear Allah to help me finalise and materialise.

This will change the fabric of this earth, and grant me some everlasting peace.

Jab insaan itna thaktha hai dunya se, logon sey, umeedein jab sab khojatein hain, phir focus karna parta hai towards something that works better.

Haar maanne koi buri baat nahi hai.

We go back to the drawing board and take a huge rest, and then pick lighter challenges and come back down again.

In other news, I just learned that Sikhism is only 500 years old, and was merged a little between Hinduism and Islam. So interesting.

I like the energy behind Sikhism, feels very pure - especially when I listen to Ik Onkar by Harshdeep Kaur.

These are just disjointed thoughts - I've had the flu and it's kicked my butt again.Bollywood is keeping me connected and grounded.

Issi bandi ko zyaada inkesaari ki zaroorat par rahi hai... kya karein?

This song is my latest love - I just discovered it:

Dance In Your Blood...

I wanted to make another video today. It just didn't happen, again.

I am in a low place emotionally, so all that was coming out was a lot of personal angst and complaints. Which is perfectly allowed by the Divine, just very poor entertainment value for viewers.

So I took a detox salt bath with rose essential oils and herbs, and feel like I am a bit more inside my skin.

There is a lot going on.

I am finally becoming selfish. The more selfish I become with my energy and time, the more I succeed in something else.

I amde the mistake of going to a dinner organised by work management. I wasn't going to go, as I prefer to go out by myself. But somehow, I got encouraged to go by a work colleague, who seemed very loving at the time.

On the day, we didn't even talk to each other, and as much as I tried to be a positive person, I was rundown with what feels like flu, and it became uncomfortable as I really can't do small talk with people I have nothing in common.

I have to write it up as experience and a huge lesson about following my own decisions through, and not giving up my 2.5 hours and some money because of someone who doesn't care when I am sick, and I wouldn't trust to save me if anything happened to me.

Sigh.

Basically, the spiritual master will dance when they are bleeding.

They will be honest, and tell the truth about what their limitations are.

I have lost all the friends I made over the last two years. My physical and emotional detox isn't progressing. I am forgetting things, and have consulted someone I trust as psychic and working on clearing emotions that have tormented generations of my family's lineage.

And there's a lot more going on. I fail every single day.

Can one blame me for wanting to isolate and hide?

People are showing themselves to be even more disconnected from soul and heart, they are NOT in their bodies.

Anyway....

we dance.

And make beautiful patterns with the blood on the dancefloor.


Dance, when you’re broken open. 
Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off. 
Dance in the middle of the fighting. 
Dance in your blood. 
Dance when you’re perfectly free 
– Rumi


Even the gift of articulation is muted at this time. I can't write much else, although there is MUCH to say.