making me humble

We begin writing with the pronoun "we". It is a long journey to integrating and being absorbed by Him, so that I becomes We. But if we start with that intention, then at least He knows of it.

Someone wise told me God knows how long ago: We are born alone, and we die alone. We face our Creator alone. So why then do you feel the earthly life wouldn't be interspersed with great bouts of aloneness, as well as loneliness?"

I am in deep healing, after spending a huge chunk of 2018 distracted and seduced by my ego, the blindness, and this world.

It is only after I spent time during the family wedding, and I went to the fancy reception, and ate the best red velevet cake, and was surrounded by silks, jewels, and women wearing tonnes of make up, suits, ties, shiny shoes, arrogant business people, and men who didn't know the first thing about how to be respectful to a woman walking or talking - it didn't hit me then, but only when I was back "home", in my own bed, and safe and comfortable with my own thoughts, books, little things that remind me of who I am.

An uncarpeted floor. It's been uncarpeted for a year and a half now due my own dysfunction.
 

And it is with these draw-backs, that we can find the nugget of humility, the groundedness that is required in order to gain a little more proximity to our Lord.

It has been a long while since I have felt the urge to write, and even though I have the urge, and there is light within me and around me, there's still not a lot to be said at this time.

My heart opens and shuts at will.

I fumble a lot.

I have created such a difficult learning ground, a city called London is where I currently reside.

A lot of falsity has been exposed within me and without. And I let go of everything fake within and without.

Whereas before, being alone would be an immense dark cavern inside of my heart, I have had another shamanic healing exactly a month ago, after Eid prayers (which I missed), and it filled me up with more light.

Now, I feel whole from within - not entirely, but enough to know that my own solitude is comfortable and even desired.

For soon, I will be absorbed and I will KNOW the sacred divine intimately.

He only comes when we are open
                                              humble
                                         and alone

P.S. I finally came across new music that would be sacred and would heal my personality. Isam B's energy is so lovely and divinely guided. He also reminds me of my cousin, a very similar energy. I'm in love with Isam's voice. It's very powerful, feminine, yet grounding and masculine - all in one.

At least, that's the best I can describe it for now.

I was devastated when I recently discovered that Outlandish disbanded an entire year ago. I had to grieve, especially since I never allowed myself to attend any of their live concerts. And now, they are as blessed as solo artists as they were together.

There is a lot that has occurred, and will occur.

I trust that the correct words will fall upon these pages in the correct manner, in the right time.

May our Creator free each of us from suffering, and align us with His will and with our Souls.

I present to thee... Organic Enlightenment

Sukaina Juma

25 February at 23:16

One is truly fortunate to not hold any importance in the lives of others. There is no grip, no hold - the soul is free and unhindered. Being anonymous is the greatest glory the divine gives to those who know.

One is even more fortunate to not hold onto others, and this takes lifetimes to master. Not to be insensitive, or unkind - but to not take it all on and make it ours. To let it go back to where it belongs.

To not harm, and to not be harmed.

To allow and be expansive.
And kind. 
Generous.

For the one trapped and enmeshed with others will personalise a life that was never meant to be personal.

We all go through exactly the same process, just the timing is different. Yet we always feel the pain of our own lives the most, and that of others the least because it didn't happen in our body.

Now, how does one instruct a stubborn ego to submit to this truth?

You came here in service, therefore whatever life and the world does to you is justified, as long as it's not abuse, and you don't cling on to things. Not even to your own opinion about your own life. And that craving you feel to justify, to defend, to cut down - cease it.

I came across a very interesting passage today about "hothouse enlightenment" and how someone can be granted great powers of insight and intuition and psychic ability, and yet you wouldn't trust that person to babysit your children (or, as I like to say in dramatic tones, "save me from a fiery death.").

Let us today let all of them go, to learn their own lesson.

We created these "monsters" to tear us down - otherwise, we might have become like them. It isn't acceptable to the ego, but to the eternal soul, all of these experiences are necessary. Which is why WE create them. There is some pattern of logic to it.

May I learn my lesson allowing generosity to always be constant, and to not shrivel under personal hurts.

There's no great glory in being more enlightened or "older" than another soul. All that means is the life intensity will increase, and more **** will happen to test and mold you.

The higher you go, the more refinement is required for the soul, so every speck of dirt is squeezed out.

I present to thee organic enlightenment.

Karachi, 2014, a poor stray kitten paralysed and starving -  did my best, but it was never enough because of being under so much darkness at the time. Shitloads of fear. I hope she forgives me. I hope all the animals forgive me my mistakes, fears, and greed.

And I ask for the ability to provide the small necessities to those in need, like food, shelter, warmth, love, reality.

A lot to think about tonight.