so hidden in God

“A woman's heart
should be so hidden
in God that a man has
to seek Him
just
to
find
her.”

- Maya Angelou



****

i tried again, God.

i thought this time would be different
but it just showed me
my delusions and denials.

maybe i was destined
to find a child-like friend
but someone who doesn't even
have the inclination to talk
on the phone.

yet, i love him.
it's a pure love
from one pure soul
for another

i don't even think he loves me back
not in the way i need
just as a friend
or family

i have to go through yet another
grieving process
it's in the eyes
in the heart
in the thymus
grief
disappointment
rage


i am truly appreciative
for the connection
past-life or beyond incarnation

i was trying to make friends with
someone else
but he is in a lot of pain
and my strongly held opinions
clashed with his -
he told me to leave him alone

the losses increase
and You are trying to get through to me

the material tokens
the prestige
the years
the people

i remind myself how some dervishes look on the outside

unkempt
in direct communion with Thee

have i ever experienced a single moment
in my life of that grace
that direct connection with Thee?

am i settling again for form
and not allowing it all to wash away
into molecules
into atoms?

i would like to feel
i am such a woman
who is hidden in God

https://pixabay.com/photos/woman-girl-eye-models-scarf-590490/ caption

i feel i may be one
who is hidden
from
God



i am no longer hiding

but i feel i am still hidden

they tell me to make a list
to buy two pink candles
to recite verses
to make a spell

but is that all that is required
to finally be with a Soul
who is my perfect complement
my soul-mate

a man who would actually recognise me
at first sight
rather than the other way round

the man who would see Goddess
inside of me
and his heart would open
with recognition, love and worship
of Thee

recognising my Light
understanding that I am still only a fallible human,
with many weaknesses,
immense hcallenges,
intense Scorpio energy,
but the respect, the love, the compassion
and the feeling of homecoming,
recognition
would ooze through his eyes?

he would match me in stillness
and i would match him in vigour
we would speak
without speaking

we would not feel ashamed
of gazing into each other's souls

no shame in fucking each other's brains out
whilst calling Thy Holy names
filled with gratitude for Thy plan

pure tantra
pure Union
pure love-making

matching our lust and love into
a litany, an ode
a whispered prayer
a relieved thank you
after my 15 year search

the emotional healing would
of course be in process
but there would be the emotional
connection
most of my holes would be filled
with ME
so that they were no longer hole
but just holy

and the same for him

and my irritability would be
tempered by peace
wisdom
matched by his
wisdom
humility
saying salaam
to humility

the complement
to my mission
on this planet
of self healing
healing others
learning from foolish mistakes
figuring out how to be financially
abundant

he would help me build
my spiritual centre
the healing modality
would heal his traumas

he would understand
the light language
flowing from my hands

and we would both dream of one another
without even making a bedtime intention

but, dearest little one,
you would need to be
an entirely different woman

to the one you show up as right now

frequency
vibes
good luck

just breathe

agar hona hai, hoga eventually
agar iss baari kuch nahi hona

toh hona nahi hai

the end-game is activating and aligning with
my own masculine energy
and truly loving myself as i would like another to love me

and unconditionally love
all the others who crossed my path
and then ran off


my discernment requires work
and this codependency needs
a BPL (bum peh laat)

hide inside of God
the real one
not the ones all these new age people
all these religious people

are shoving down your third eye
implanting you with false ideologies

tu abhi bachhi nahi rahi

grow up, yaar
mature

maturation is vital for meeting with God

and an understanding
that He causes the blindness

and that you only call Him He
because
someone told you to do so

it is of course a moot point
but it does make one question

Sukaina Juma
07/01/2020

(N.B. I'm not even venturing to ask you for a woman - the attraction hasn't ever been so strong that anything happened. Although I am most definitely bisexual, it's more a concept, more an understanding, a vehicle for compassion and tolerance, but not a real experience. Connections are soul based. For some reason, I don't gel with any of the women I have ever met in that way. Meeting the wrong women, then!)

The Face Of a Collapsed Star

THE FACE OF A COLLAPSED STAR

Do not be sad
Collapse is the pathway for some
We are dragged to the depths
We are
We are dragged

D r a g g e d

We had plans
We wanted a beautiful life

We got this

Scrambling for morsels of the world
Disconnection from God
Higher chakras blocked
Lower chakras interfered with

Ab 2020 bhi aa chuka
Aur har cheez tooti pari

But I must smile
I must, I must

To remain slumped
I will have been destroyed

Log dekhte hain
Samajhte nahin

Expectations are something
I am burying tonight

Watching a film called
Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara
Wearing a lehenga meant for a wedding

I'll go to sleep
Putting psychic protection over myself

And that's that

May I find the clarity and discernment
I need
To thrive

I don't think there is another way.

Please let this be the last breaking down

I can't take it any longer, Allah

Bilkul torna chahte ho?

Bakhsh bhi do....

Sukaina Juma
31/12/2019

The promise of a Shaman

The promise of a shaman

If you come to me as a victim I will not support you.
But I will have the courage to walk with you through the pain that you are suffering.
I will put you in the fire, I will undress you, and I will sit you on the earth.
I will bathe you with herbs, I will purge you, and you will vomit the rage and the darkness inside you.
I'll bang your body with good herbs, and I'll put you to lay in the grass, face up to the sky.
Then I will blow your crown to clean the old memories that make you repeat the same behavior.
I will blow your forehead to scare away the thoughts that cloud your vision.
I will blow your throat to release the knot that won't let you talk.
I will blow your heart to scare fear, so that it goes far away where it cannot find you.
I will blow your solar plexus to extinguish the fire of the hell you carry inside, and you will know peace.
I will blow with fire your belly to burn the attachments, and the love that was not.
I will blow away the lovers that left you, the children that never came.
I will blow your heart to make you warm, to rekindle your desire to feel, create and start again.
I will blow with force your vagina or your penis, to clean the sexual door to your soul.
I will blow away the garbage that you collected trying to love what did not wanted to be loved.
I will use the broom, and the sponge, and the rag, and safely clean all the bitterness inside you.
I will blow your hands to destroy the ties that prevent you from creating.
I will blow your feet to dust and erase the footprints memories, so you can never return to that bad place.
I will turn your body, so your face will kiss the earth.
I'll blow your spine from the root to the neck to increase your strength and help you walk upright.
And I will let you rest.
After this you will cry, and after crying you will sleep,
And you will dream beautiful and meaningful dreams,
and when you wake up I'll be waiting for you.
I will smile at you, and you will smile back
I will offer you food that you will eat with pleasure, tasting life, and I will thank you.
Because what I’m offering today, was offered to me before when darkness lived within me.
And after I was healed, I felt the darkness leaving, and I cried.
Then we will walk together, and I will show you my garden, and my plants, and I will take you to the fire again.
And will talk together in a single voice with the blessing of the earth.
And we will shout to the forest the desires of your heart.
And the fire will listen and whisper the echo, and we will create hope together.
And the mountains will listen and whisper the echo, and we will create hope together.
And the rivers will listen and whisper the echo, and we will create hope together.
And the wind will listen and whisper the echo, and we will create hope together.
And then we will bow before the fire, and we will call upon all the visible and invisible guardians.
And you will say thank you to all of them.
And you will say thank you to yourself.
And you will say thank you to yourself.
And you will say thank you to yourself.
~ author unknown

Love In Darkness | Curated Post

✝️✝️✝️ Love In Darkness

With each experience comes greater learning and growth, learning to love someone in their darkness is one of the greatest lessons of all, it’s a conflict not many of us know how to face.

If we are focused on their darkeness we are pulled out of our light and that’s when it can become draining, it also creates an environment where the other person uses you as their point of light and steps out of their own alignment. Without realizing we disempower them by the underlying desire to fix them, it’s who we are, naturally we will bring light and people will always gravitate to that but if we aren’t careful we will be pulled into their darkness and rather than guide them through their learning we try to absorb and live it for them.

We don’t see people as they are we see them for who we know they are underneath but what we have to remember is not everyone is ready to be seen. Accepting people in all their mess and allowing them the space to heal and resolve is the hardest thing to do, trusting yourself enough to stay in your own alignment no matter where the person goes in that darkness’s is the lesson, your light will always bring them back but should you waver then neither of you can find the commonality required to heal the space.

Ascended Vibrations LLC
30 December 2018 at 13:54 ·