Community
can be an ironic place to meet with those of like mind. In the
beginning, you are coming together, either for a common purpose, or
through a common interest in a subject, as a vast array of unique
individuals unite in a field of resonance. Everyone deserves a support
group or others to turn toward for additional companionship. Especially
when it comes to spiritual community, one deserves any degree of
nurturing support, as they maneuver through the vast and often
uncompromising landscapes of their inner journey. In the beginning, a
spiritual community is typically at its strongest potency, often
embodying the teachings that brought everyone together to explore the
deeper mysteries of existence.
Gradually, a support group of
heart-centered fellowship becomes a spiritually-themed rumor mill. When
this occurs, complaining and blaming seems to be a more habit-forming
tendency. There are those in community, who recognize the blaming and
complaints of others as the unraveling of unconsciousness. To the best
of their ability, they try holding space for someone else’s experience,
but soon the gift of active listening pulls the listener into the heat
of the conflict to choose sides and join a social battle.
Whether you have been ostracized by the unconscious actions of a
spiritual group, or you can recognize the negative tendencies you may be
contributing in group settings, I offer these following insights to
offer more heart-centered care for every healing heart. As you read
this, please do not assume every detail must apply to you. Instead,
allow your intuition to reveal the most important key points for you to
embrace.
As empaths, we are so in-tune with the feelings of
others and so sensitive to the precious nature of each experience that
we cannot allow anyone to feel left out or remain excluded. It’s our
spiritual form of Kryptonite. In attempt to make everyone feel included,
the unconscious characters who blame and complain on a regular basis,
claiming they just want to be heard and have a chance to “speak their
truth” inevitably pull empaths into their whirlwind of blame,
complaints, judgments, assumptions, accusations, and finger-pointing.
All too often, an empath loses their ground and winds up becoming a
foot soldier for the agenda of unconsciousness, taking someone’s side in
an argument without proof or evidence, just so the one who suffers
doesn’t feel alone.
The question remains, how do you support
someone engulfed in negativity, without blindly validating a standpoint
that at its fundamental core, cannot be rooted in truth whenever blame,
accusations, or gossip are involved?
In the evolution of
consciousness, we open our eyes to truth by surrendering the need to
point our fingers in any direction. If not, you’re likely to create a
community like any other interest group with the only difference being
an affinity for spiritual subject matters. Throughout the course of our
journey, we have come way too far in our growth and expansion to lose
sight of where we are headed. We literally rest on the brink of life’s
deepest discovery that either unites us together as greater embodiments
of our highest divine wisdom, or we become spiritual versions of
victimhood in action.
Holding space for someone’s plight
requires patience and focus. For many beings, they either listen to an
endless array of complaints, where they eventually validate someone’s
opinion, as more innocent hearts get coerced into agreeing with
assumptions and projections that are presented as fact, or they attempt
to coach someone out of their darkness, which often leads to greater
personal conflict. Despite its deepest plea, unconsciousness doesn’t
want to be rescued from the dark -- it just wants to be right.
Every heart always deserves opportunities to grow and be heard, but when
someone is releasing patterns of unconsciousness, while playing it out
externally, they are not in a position for greater perspective. They
merely need space away from engagement to be with themselves as the
healing unfolds, while they reach out for anyone to grip and convince of
their viewpoint.
Unconsciousness hates being in its own space.
If it spent a few moments alone, it would begin to fall apart and
integrate. This is the best case scenario on a soul level and public
enemy number one for the unconsciousness that attempts to stay in-tact.
Even when a heart-centered being attempts to remind the one engulfed in
their own unconsciousness of their tendency to blame, assume, accuse,
gossip, and judge, it is often met with a response of victimhood or
martyrdom, accusing the conscious one of not giving them the freedom to
speak their mind. They’ll even overly dramatize it to the point of
accusing the group to be cult-like, if negativity isn’t given a constant
forum to spew its venom without looking at its behavior or the effect
it has on others.
As soon as empaths hear someone is left out,
the tendency is to match the other person’s unconsciousness and join
their side as way of helping them to feel included, accepted, and whole.
Of course, not every spiritual community is cult-like. It’s
often the best excuse negativity has when not the center of everyone’s
attention. A cult is defined as a group that has forgone its
individuality, in favor of giving their power to a self-professed
leader. While many have survived these damaging environments that first
appeared spiritual in nature, a modern day spiritual teacher simply
leads by example.
A true teacher acts out the very wisdom they
offer – in every situation and under any circumstance. This is what
allows them to be a source of inspiration for so many beings. They offer
pure insight, intuitive guidance, and heart-centered support, while
giving you back the power of your individuality to think and act for
yourself. While you are free to be whatever individual that you choose,
your journey evolves as you decide how honorable of an individual you
wish to be. This cannot occur by trying to prove anything to someone
embroiled in negativity, or by losing sight of your journey in attempt
to rescue another.
From the standpoint of negativity, it cannot
feel accepted unless others listen, agree, and join their fight. Even
then, acceptance isn’t felt at all. It’s just negativity slowing its own
unraveling as it is fed with more validation.
When someone is
on a negative downward spiral, they are willing to misread, misperceive,
and twist things around to keep them feeling justified in their
argument through the activity of blame. Whether played out by an
individual or a community, negativity signifies a deeper healing taking
place. As it occurs, the only direction for negative energy to travel is
to end up in some form of disappointment.
Judgment is the
evidence of healing in progress. Disappointment represents the
unraveling of unconsciousness, where the one being purged often feels
deflated, as their ego is stripped of its insatiable hunger for control
or more things to seek. When this occurs, it’s easy for the one who
blames, accuses, stirs the pot of controversy, and makes the most noise
to feel disappointed in a group or individual who didn’t agree or join
them in opposition. All too often, the unconsciousness that was so
desperate for the approval of others, while working to suck them into
their vortex of blame, now goes to the opposite side of polarity to
withdraw and shutdown.
For an empath, it can seem like a no-win
situation, where if you listen long enough to someone’s complaints,
you’re likely to join their side, if not totally rooted in the autonomy
of your own consciousness. If you don’t agree with them, they accuse you
of judgment, hoping to lure you in with feedback of feeling left out.
Even when attempting to show them their own patterns at play, they often
feel unheard, unrecognized, and become the most wounded victim to pull
at your empathic heartstrings. Of course, never once has their
unconsciousness taken inventory of their behavior or given themselves
enough space to see the chaos they are stirring up.
Unconsciousness doesn’t know how to be aware, self-reflective, or even listen. It simply justifies, accuses, and fights.
Whether you find yourself in community with friends, family, or even
with those of spiritual like mind, here are a few simple ways to hold
space without adding to a controversy that may only exist in the mind of
someone who heals unconscious patterns while identifying with it.
Tip #1: Listening is an effective tool of holding space as long as you
are choosing to listen. The moment you no longer desire listening to
their negativity, it is not a judgment, but your intuition saying:
“You’ve given the gift of listening, but now you are beginning to match
their vibration. You are no longer helpful for their healing. Instead,
they are beginning to have an adverse effect on your energetic field.”
What if you said: “Thank you for sharing your point of view. I honor
your passion, but I cannot listen any longer. At this moment, I am no
longer helpful for your healing and I must hold space for myself. I wish
you the best of luck in your journey ahead.”
You might think: “If I said that, they would be disappointed.”
You are correct. That would most likely disappoint them, but you aren’t
the one disappointing them at all. Disappointment is the next stage of
healing that unfolds as patterns of judgment are unraveled, which occurs
when the one seeking attention or validation for their blame is no
longer fed by others.
It is inevitable that unconsciousness
transitions from the compulsive and aggressive darkness of judgment into
the obsessive and wounded terrain of disappointment. While everyone
deserves more love not less, even if a group of angelic beings were to
surround a negative person with healing light, it couldn’t prevent the
disappointment that is paramount to the ego’s surrender.
Without
fail or effort, you are bound to disappoint someone who is just looking
for more things to pick apart. The key is making sure you are choosing
to listen, while being present with listening, as an evolving skill for
your journey, without being so invested in their healing that you forget
to hold space for yourself. The appearance of other people exist in
your field of reality to offer you the chance to practice being
consciousness in action. One of the prime skills empaths are learning is
how to be honest and heart-centered at the same time. Many empaths
would believe that if someone felt unheard or left out, they must not
have done their job as an ambassador of love.
In reality, a
venomous character is here to help give an empath back their power. This
occurs by offering you a chance to choose from a space of freedom and
speak as openly and honestly as you would like to be addressed, while
not allowing their unconscious stand point to pull you into chaos.
Negative people are bound to be disappointed. They are spiritual target
practice for those who are learning to be as honest as they are loving,
without the fear of someone’s disappointment or self-imposed exclusion
pulling you away from seeing the opportunity they are offering you.
Only listen when you choose to listen. If you cannot be what someone
needs from you, the moment you say no with honor and humility and walk
away, the Universe creates a new character or situation to be for that
person whatever they need most. Ultimately, they are the listener they
are searching for, but until that realization dawns, you most likely
won’t be the first or even the last person to not give them what they
want. Your choice may not be what the character desires, but it will
always be the perfect catalyst they need for their journey ahead.
Tip #2: Align with the truth of your own direct experience. Just
because someone else cries foul play doesn’t mean it actually happened.
If you are not having the same experience as others, investigate their
claims for yourself. Other people may act as animated yelp reviews, but
it is important to not just adopt someone else’s experience without
having your own experience to go by. Dare to be your own investigative
reporter by going directly to the source in question for information,
instead of gathering ideas and beliefs from the perceptions of others.
Sometimes, people act as whistle blowers for the unsavory or devious
activities that others cannot see. Meanwhile, the majority of complaints
are merely someone’s misperception of reality they insist to be fact as
a way of justifying their tendency to fight, judge, gossip, or oppose.
Tip #3: Even though you can feel the insufferable experience of
another, you cannot control their reality or do any of their inner work
for them. In community, we are here to support, encourage, honor, and
love as an externalized practice of saying to others the words we’ve
waited our entire lives to hear. This does not require you to become an
accomplice in someone’s agenda. A character can appear to be interested
in spiritual growth, but where are they making time to become the
highest version of their Soul’s potential when engulfed in negativity,
judgment, accusation, gossip, and blame?
You cannot make anyone
see what they refuse to see. All you can do is see the opportunity they
are giving you, which is to only act from a space of choice and speak as
honestly as you are loving, without blaming yourself for someone’s
disappointment, feelings of abandonment, or experience of exclusion.
Tip#4: Do not obligate yourself to give advice to someone who is lost
in negativity. Judgment and criticism lets you know on a soul level that
they are currently unable to take in anything insightful. Instead of
trying to be their rescuer, merely be a supporter, who responds to their
negativity with an honest compliment for their innocence to receive. As
people feel a greater sense of self-worth, negativity dissolves.
Even if you said: “I don’t have a solution for you and it ok that we
see things differently. Thank you for letting me know how you feel. I
send blessings your way and rest in knowing that you will come out of
this better than ever before.”
In essence, the best advice that
most negative people actually need is just a moment of positive
encouragement. While everyone has the right to feel however they feel,
you don’t have to validate their behavior as being rational, no matter
how quickly they accuse you of judging them.
Tip #5: For
heart-centered beings, other people’s criticism is not a reflection of
anything you did wrong or something unresolved in you. This gets tricky
because the people who are most negative have such an inflated and
obscured view of themselves that they believe they are the
heart-centered ones being persecuted by others who simply won’t join
their fight.
Negative people know their potential as
heart-centered beings, while refusing to demonstrate it publicly.
Equally so, empaths can feel the Divinity in negative people, while
misunderstanding their intuition as judgments. It’s not a judgment to
acknowledge where someone is in their journey, no matter how much
potential or Divinity you can feel within them.
The most
honorable choice is relating and responding to who people are in their
actions right now, instead of making excuses for their behavior, while
blinded by the possibility of who they could become. The key is to
always speak to others with the words, tone, and candor that you would
like someone to offer you. As long as that occurs, you are acting from a
space of personal integrity.
If you aren’t able to do so, then
your inability to speak honestly, openly, and thoughtfully indicates
that you held space too long, bypassing your ability to choose, and then
responded from an unconscious space of matching their vibration.
Tip #6 – As soon as you are done listening, engaging, or indulging
someone’s negativity, remove yourself from their presence and embrace
your heart. Taking time to love your own heart not only offers distance
healing on an energetic level to any degree of negativity, but it also
cleanses your field of anything you helped them release. When negative
people are ruthless, repetitive, and close-minded in public, we assist
in their healing by embracing our own hearts in private.
Again,
they are on their own unique journey, so they are not reflecting
anything negative in you. They are reflecting an opportunity for you to
strengthen the muscles of your most conscious conduct by being patient,
thoughtful, honest, and caring, as long it feels like choice versus an
obligation. The moment you do something out of obligation, nothing you
do will have permanent or long-lasting effect in their journey.
Especially since, obligation is an extension of conformity, which is a
tenant of fear. In most cases, we obligate ourselves to do for others to
avoid the fear of being rejected, ridiculed, or excluded. Instead of
acting in avoidance of fear, choose to see it as an opportunity to love
the one who is afraid to speak or stand in their highest truth.
On an energetic level, you may sense having endured punishment or even
death for speaking or standing for your truth in past incarnations, but
this lifetime proves that you have survived those chapters of
persecution. You are here, in a paradigm of evolving consciousness,
where it is safe to stand in your truth, as long as you are not relying
on the unconscious of others to feed you with approval.
Through
these insights and with practice engaging with souls at various levels
of maturity, you can learn to hone your empathic abilities, and
strengthen the power of your intuitive discernment, while discovering
the courage to demonstrate your highest wisdom in action, no matter how
misguided others around you seem to be. When judgment, criticism,
condemnation, or gossip is active, there is no truth being spoken or
considered. It is merely the activity of unconsciousness unraveling in
those who act out the very patterns they blame in others.
Hold
space if you wish, only listen for as long as you desire, while always
remembering your willingness to love yourself more often as the greatest
assistance you may offer to any healing heart. May we come together in
community to practice the very teachings that unite us, instead of
turning our sacred space into a toxic environment, despite our interest
in something more meaningful, authentic, and fulfilling.
If you
are interested in spiritual exploration, then you are open to acting out
the wisdom that you receive to the best of your ability and eager to
practice what you learn for the evolution of the whole without being too
hard on yourself. In a modern day spiritual journey, we don’t blame, we
simply deepen our practices of self-love, no matter the risk or
consequence.
This is what it means to return to the light. As
always, you must step into the light, in order for others to find their
way home. You are not abandoning complainers or closing your heart in
any way. While it may seem as if you are turning away from someone in
need, you are simply facing the direction of your highest destiny and
leading the way for the wellbeing of all.
Matt Kahn
www.TrueDivineNature.com
