Alvidaa, janam, alvidaa...

ALVIDAA, to all of the programming that made me what I am NOT.

This week has been a transformational week. I was asked by my Soul (or my programming) to go out and experience the Shia Islamic life I feel so much pain in having to give up.

I met a person who shone so bright and spoke of inclusion and helping the community, yet he was adamant that Islam, the Prophets and the Imams would never let someone with a different sexuality or gender preference pray salaatul jamaat (communal prayers).

So I asked him, "so you're saying that I can't pray in jama'at because I am bisexual?" I was incredulous that people still think of God like that.

That they don't see God is always inviting us.

That we don't all necessarily label and box ourselves into tags of sexuality or religion or ethnicity first and foremost.

A lot of people have politicised themselves via their sexuality. Not all of us do that. Some of us have a different karma / dharma. We have MUCH bigger fish to fry.

As I said frankly to some tharki Pakistani guy in my DMs who kept wanting to speak of his sexual fantasies and pornography to a complete stranger, the obsession with sex that you are commenting on, I find that to be the lowest common denominator for connection.

I am not frigid (not any longer) but what I mean is that the Soul came into human form - we are on a mission to understand WHY and HOW to navigate. The amount of distractions in place on the planet in 2019 is astounding.

I've stopped reading, preferring to watch something on Netflix instead.

Some of us (most of us) have gone through a **** awakening, and are still doing it today, in order to activate 12 strands of DNA and clear the ****. All of it. Grandmother, grandfather, advertising, news media, ignorance, pineal calcification, the whole lot!

I said in my heart, then that kind of faith which he is proposing, is not what God really is aiming for. I refuse to accept that patriarchal, false paradigm.

What kind of God do you wish for?

I spoke of acceptance, he said tolerance.

He and my cousin were quoting Islamic scholar after another and all it did was scrub my soul like sandpaper.

My cousin is the type who will just go to books and scholars, his path is with Islamic learning and mine is definitely not, and I have now accepted it fully.

The Universe is all inclusive. We can't speak for saints we don't have the ability to connect with intuitively. I have tried, and failed (due to pineal calcification and density overload in my system de to more distractions in life).

Then I went to an Arbaeen lecture on Friday night at Mahfil e Ali in Harrow, as I thought it was the lesser strenuous option. I wanted to honour the saints and their sacrifices. No matter what, Islamic esoterics are available and have weight because of the struggle. It's always been a struggle between darkness and awakening.

Shaykh Arif Abdulhussein lectured, and his voice has a very healing quality to it. It softened the burrs that had formed inside of my heart for people. Just being around them.

He spoke of people naturally turning away from eating animals when they sense how barbaric it is. He made a few sarcastic remarks about Khoja community. I could sense his frustration that after 9 years, people still don't get it in the Khoja community, the Shia community, unless they have gone on their own mystical journey and have bene graced by Allah with the gift of TRUE realisations.

Or have read 40 Rules of Love by Elif Shafak.

I was, however, reminded of how he doesn't meet my needs, although he helped me to wake up when I was 22 years old. He is still has the intention of converting people from the lecture point of view.

I suppose, if he did the same as my cousin Amin, and spoke of the ethereal realms, he'd lose his audience.

The people there were the same, it was the same as being at Hujjat or Hyderi (which is not what I anticipated). I almost had a panic attack and had to leave ASAP.

I had gone to mourn on the one day of the year I wanted to mourn. I didn't do Ashura this year because I was rebelling against the programming that kicked inside of me. It was so heavy, and felt energetically like a crown of thorns.

People go to these gatherings like a habit, they talk and laugh, and eat. The woman sitting next to me began filing her nails halfway through the lecture. Frankly, I was shocked.

There were no Arabic or Farsi latmiyyah and no incense was burned for cleansing of the space.

Everything is exactly the same from my place of origin.

Perhaps I am at fault as well. I've been going through so much darkness that I'm nowhere NEAR establishing a new sacred space, a multi-functional sacred centre which fulfils my needs and therefore those of other starseed mystics.

Well, we learn through experience. Next year, I pray to be in Najaf and Kerbala and do my devotion and meditation there, as those are the only places I find true peace. The force is strong there.

On other evenings, I went to the IHRC in Preston Road and was blown away by spoken word poems by Suhaiymah Khan and the documentary The Uprising by Pravini Baboeram.

Yet, being in an Islamic environment, when people have not healed their internal **** and are externalising everything, makes it hard. No matter what I do crystals wise, protection wise, I know I was absorbing and healing some of the stuff.

I start talking rubbish and feel clogged up, heavy and nauseated. Couldn't breathe well either. There still are some wounds related to how I have been neglected by people in this community that I need to heal with Emotion Code.

So, I know I must say alvidaa (farewell) to this community of origin.

I am aware that when I am ready, I will begin the Sufi path with the correct teachers and companions for the journey.

But now, Life is burning away the past. I was thinking of my ex and the last time we spoke to each other in May 2017 and, again, falling back to that which is comfortable and also restrictive.

We are better served to view ourselves as multi-dimensional souls. This is NOT the only incarnation, and a lot is hidden because we haven't been able to detox ourselves of the superficial and the illusions.

Not all of us are going to succeed. It requires a loss of identity, money, people, family, comfort almost every few months now.

For example, I had to give up a regular, paying living wage job that was killing my spirit in order to finally be able to write this piece, two months later

Just as there is no finality in revelation, there is also no deadline for awakening and enlightenment.

All I know is that, for now, I just continue this path of Shamanism and connect with esoteric Sufi Islam.

My love for the Prophets and Imams will remain and hopefully grow. The phenomenon of Arbaeen fascinates me.

Billions of souls are drawn to going to Iraq for ten days to pay their respects to a saint.

Yet, I can't go during Arbaeen due to the crowds and panic attacks.

However, I deeply feel the mystery and the love. The belonging. To Imam Ali first and then Imam Hussain and Hadhrat Abbas.

The latmiyyah of Ali Fani, Bassim Al Karbalaei and others go straight through the cells. The LOVE is truly THERE. Solid. Apparent.

Maybe, as someone I once knew told me, these are the same energies in other cultures, just different names. Such as Quan Yin, Krishna, Shekinah, etc.

But this is ABSOLUMENT the last year I do this. This is the last year I pretend to be member of an old paradigm, whereby people are compartmentalized and no one has tried to clear their own stuff.

I tried that and Allah made sure I lost everything. I just don't fit in, no matter how much I try. This is the real hypocrisy. Life is too precious to continue living lies.

I don't fit, I don't belong, it feels heavy being around this for too long. I have to whip off the headscarf as soon as I can, and control the anger and frustration that gets triggered within (it's healed a lot over the last 12 years).

It always has to be inside first. There's a lot to clean up. Then the timelines shift without us forcing them.

Just accept I'm a shaman healer and starseed and move on. The younger generation have no qualms about self acceptance. I am not that old, yet inside me I feel old and outdated!

I just had to express this aloud today. It has been in my heart all week and now has a beautiful release. I am reborn. I am me. A soul. Always connected to God.

My God is bigger than that. Bigger than all the lies and illusions that we have allowed ourselves to play around in.

We each have very unique journeys and incarnations. Just embrace your heart, heal it, remove the debris and then KNOW who YOU are in your WHOLENESS.

Always remember: we are LIGHT that came into darkness just to unravel and become LIGHT all over again.

It sounds very trite, but I am finding this to be my truth...

With deep respect and honour 🕉️♥️

Ek cup chai ho jaee?

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They keep talking about the eclipses that happen as major gateways, and opportunities to really dig into the deep shadow that we have, to be honest, to be clear, to be ourselves, to remember.

Whether or not I ever got activated from the previous eclipses in life, I can't say until I have the talent of reading energies that way.

This eclipse corridor - from 4 July and now - I have felt that one. Big time.

What it has made me realise is that one really loses a lot when one awakens a little more each day or month or year.

One loses the ability to be easily entertained, and one can't relate to the people that we could a few months or years ago.

For example, I am from a culture that adores drinking tea and coffee. It becomes an extremely intimate way of bonding. You would go out to have hardcore milky tea or karak doodh patti chai to a tea stall in the town. Or go to the mosque and rave about the mosque tea, with subtle hints of cardamom swirling inside.

I remember going to a school friend's house regularly to study or just hang out, and tea was a must.

But now, I drink tea and I stay awake, wired all night. So I have tried to switch to decaf (but it still has the caffeine and tannin in it) and redbush tea, God bless me, I now find has a funny taste and no longer satisfy my cravings.

This isn't something that I will hold onto for long. I can outgrow the childish tantrums about yet another thing that normal people enjoy, but I no longer can.

Yet, this represents how most things are now. I feel it's because I have a lot more healing to do, and so that means not getting distracted by things that are on some level a superficial indicator of happiness and progress. For me, those very things that are seen as positive and a sign of functionality, are distractions from my own self healing and progress.

Whether that means spending time with friends (it is better for me to have few and ones who are fully aware of the shifts in consciousness and not allowing them to be swayed by their inner wounds quite so much), or having a lover (it's gonna not be great for my spiritual awakening at this time to be distracted by someone, unless I somehow have healed - which I know I haven't), or other stuff.

Someone a bit difficult to understand once told me that her theory was that if we are unhappy, that prods us to go out seeking, learning, healing ourselves, and then standing up for others. If we are happy and contented, who on earth would do anything for anyone else?

I can see some angles and some validity to this... but perhaps the connection with pain and productivity really needs to be broken and a new one formed between ease, peace and progress.

I suppose the question is can I allow others to have different life goals to mine and let it be - can I really step out of the small thinking box I spend my life in, and let life be as chaotic as it is, and let the humans be exactly as they are - all the while seeking their divine light?

The more I spend time alone, I can do that a little easier. Maybe.

What I need to clarify are a few things and requires some intelligent questioning:

What are my soul's goals for this lifetime - answer is humility, but also ease, grace, karma clearing, being compassionate and loving to self and others, heals some deep wounding and becoming independent and free. Contentment and gratitude.

Will that come with a happy, easy life? Answer: depends on what you mean by that ;)

It has also been important to see all the teachers I have as humans. All the relatives, adults, everyone... as humans with flaws. This also has helped me discern who I want in my life.

I came across something interesting recently regarding shamanic practices. I was aware that they make a white despacho to bring good tings into our lives - that consists in brings petals, leaves, anything that can symbolise areas of your life, wrap it in cotton or paper, put your intentions into it, nurture and carry it, then burn it in a ceremonial fire.

All good - I have done a few and who knows if it did anything or not, but just the communal aspect of it, and being around a cleansing fire was good enough for me the last few times I have done it.

Now this time around, I had the opportunity to do this, and we all have been told to bring a £5 note minimum to burn in the fire.

That, for me, doesn't make sense. There are too many rough sleepers in the city or even a few streets away for me to go bring in money in order to bring in more. The same intention can be made whilst gifting the money - and there was no suggestion of doing this as an alternative.

Anyway, it's also true that the room would be full (which I was told yesterday) so that I'm not even able to go. And one of my teacher's seems to not allow me to speak and formulate what I want to say - I have my Mercury in Taurus, so it takes a while for me to speak articulately... so I need to just remind him of that. And there was some lack of H&S risk assessments.

But you have to question all the spiritual practices. What doesn't feel right for you, doesn't.

I question all the Islamic ones, I don't really subscribe to other faiths, and now I'm having to question the shamanic practicies and figure out which are really not something I want to associate with, and which are just my resistance to changing.

It is the same with sufism - although I can't find the teacher or the tareeqa yet that is right for me (perhaps there aren't for me this lifetime - who knows).

Question the stuff that doesn't sit right with you - there is a reason why it doesn't.

I have had healers tell me what to do in the recent past, and I was not happy.

I have had to just step back and ask myself what on earth do I need to do differently to attract a better outcome - and the answer always seems to be stop leaking out your energy to everyone on the planet trying to help and heal. Just quit it!

This is the main reason I have not progressed in my lifetime. And every time I have put my needs first, I was able to do something a little bit progressive.

Yes, these eclipses I am feeling the energy and the kicks up the bum.

And no tea for me, either. Chalo ji, at least I am learning what has taken lifetimes (literally) to learn.

Subconscious Implosions

Making Allowances

We each are allowed to not cope on any given day. Right now, deep breathing seems to be my biggest issue for the moment.

I've collapsed, imploded upon myself - yet again.

Bringing myself to write this is only because writing in in my blood, my soul and I have been so disconnected from anything creative inside of me for such a long time, I have disconnected from myself.

I had to be signed off from work by a GP who wasn't the best at empathy on Monday, for a week, because I was finding it difficult to be at work, around all the people who frankly don't have the same subtlety that is required for my energy right now. There's such a lack of control, and people are unhappy within themselves and taking it out on me or around me. It's just no longer acceptable.

Total Collapse and Failure

I feel like such a failure as a human being, as a light worker, as a healer, as a female, as Sukaina right now.

But it is what it is. There's not much I can do if my subconscious or whatever has just collapsed and felt overwhelmed. This happens when one is very unhappy with the way life has turned out.

I've been trying to catch up on eight long years of not healing myself in the correct manner.

I finally have someone genuine doing Emotion Code for me, as well as training myself to become a shaman. I guess I broke down because I did this all very rapidly since January 2019.

I have also been to the people who aren't really trained to sort out my energy properly, training themselves. I went to them because that's going to be me at some point. But that wasn't right, and Jane had told me this! You learn the hard way sometimes.

These Cages Are Chafing My Soul

 

My soul is feeling so caged inside this small box of a life I've created for myself, because I thought this is all I could do, all I could manage, all that the world has to offer me.

It isn't as devastating as it has been in the past - maybe because I've been through all of this so many times before, you just look at yourself in the mirror, looks deep into your eyes - and give a huge shrug.

How Is It That Other Healers Are Feeling None of This Collapse?

 

Instagram can be both inspirational and not good for you at the same time. I'm happy for all the artists and activists, etc, who are going from strength to strength in every photograph - not a SINGLE one of my favourite artists or new Pakistani talent seem to be at ALL affected by ascension energies.

Always out, doing something, being amazing - none of this heal your inner trauma and inner child, subconscious trauma shit. None of that - at all.

I find that to be really amazing - how do they pull it off? They evidently are healers - so then?

I don't have much to say - I don't know who I am as the ego is being ripped apart from me daily. At least I've stopped the crying. Some of the numbness has come back.

I'm lacking sleep that has been rejuvenating, and physical energy.

All my friends are away from me during this time - I fell to the position of "begging" my cousin to please call me so I could feel that I have some family who care about me - I even said he was as close to a brother to me as anyone ever would be - he still didn't call me.

NEVER BEG ANYONE, REALLY, TRY YOUR BEST TO SELF SOOTHE.

My powers of manifesting **** masculine energies are always amazing to me.

And also, quite frankly, without any harsh and fiery, or acidic Scorpionic judgements, lightworkers and healers are as messed up as the ones who aren't awake or healers.

Seriously, man!

I still was blessed with having cafe quality cake two days in a row. Jaffa orange and dark chocolate cake, which was amazing - even though I was blubbing tears in front of my manager because it felt so crap I was so sick.

And strawberry cheesecake today.

I was able to spend time with some sweet kids today, and a sweet neighbour.

Almost getting back to normal.

Will have to protect myself from the energy of Brexit because that's half of the reason I collapsed; I couldn't take the bs. I wonder how many counsellors and psychotherapists are having clients speak about the anxiety and sadness this entire fiasco is causing them. Mine had to listen to my own experience of this yesterday.

Life in the UK just isn't ideal for someone like me any longer.

There is hopefully a way to realign my energy towards wherever I need to go, and do whatever I need to do.

Admin is not where I am meant to be.

Come on, yaar... I really need to find a place to start learning to do Bollywood and modern dance.

My brow chakra is quite blown open (sinuses).

God have mercy on me!

Love In Darkness | Curated Post

✝️✝️✝️ Love In Darkness

With each experience comes greater learning and growth, learning to love someone in their darkness is one of the greatest lessons of all, it’s a conflict not many of us know how to face.

If we are focused on their darkeness we are pulled out of our light and that’s when it can become draining, it also creates an environment where the other person uses you as their point of light and steps out of their own alignment. Without realizing we disempower them by the underlying desire to fix them, it’s who we are, naturally we will bring light and people will always gravitate to that but if we aren’t careful we will be pulled into their darkness and rather than guide them through their learning we try to absorb and live it for them.

We don’t see people as they are we see them for who we know they are underneath but what we have to remember is not everyone is ready to be seen. Accepting people in all their mess and allowing them the space to heal and resolve is the hardest thing to do, trusting yourself enough to stay in your own alignment no matter where the person goes in that darkness’s is the lesson, your light will always bring them back but should you waver then neither of you can find the commonality required to heal the space.

Ascended Vibrations LLC
30 December 2018 at 13:54 ·

The miracle of my Submission rests in Thy heart

Today, after such a long time, I felt my essence creep back within me, and expel itself outwards.

I have felt so tired for so long.

So very long.

It seems that the path of the mystic begins in utter forgetfulness, and repeats the same in this world of utter chaos and confusion.

I was sitting on the bus this morning, with the sunlight streaming through the dirty, unwashed windows. For the last few weeks, my senses have been heightened and I can't stand the sounds of other people talking in rough tones. Everywhere I find myself, I feel that the experience is burden to my soul. A necessary evil. The constraints are coming back to cloak me.

And in that sunlight, I saw the dust specks that float around in our environment. And there is something about not having any control over our environment that brings a soul to question their Creator: is this really what I came here for?

A long list of people's names and faces float in front of my eyes, teaching me that no matter how badly I desired connection, or the experience of romance or friendship, no amount of forcing things ever made it occur. And when I forced things, they ended up being pale and corrupted versions of what I originally wished to create.

On my way home, I took the bus I rarely take as I needed a different route "home", a different point of view, a different outcome. I need to wash myself off of the crap I have taken on during the day.

I got off the bus alongside a bunch of people who live in my neighbourhood, yet we lead entirely separate and secluded lives. I went in the direction that was not the same as theirs, into the long seeded grasses of the common.

I touched and kissed the buttercups, and breathed in the liquid green healing that was available to my really exhausted soul. My feet began to dance as they struck the dry, cracked earthened track...

And I remembered my time in Uzumlu, walking with an older gentleman who was like my grandfather, and who had recently departed from this plane.

They were walks that I took and he tired to help me in his own way, yet once we were back in London, my demons took over and I never once sent him a text or rang him.

And now he is forever gone, and all I have is an apology to his soul for not honouring the connection.



The sunlight is peeling my skin apart, and peeling apart the egoic structures.

I had opened my heart last week and allowed the initiation to take place, to trust in Love and in Sacred God Light and in God.

And now my heart is closed again... and I pray each day for it to open again.

The past is now most definitely the past, yet the sadness and the disappointment is still stuck in this foolish heart of mine, and so I eat sugar as though my life depended upon it.

Trust me to be my own worst enemy. And it is taking a lot of me to come to terms with what i have been doing with myself to ensure that I remain in a painful state.

Family have shown me that they can not be trusted to treat me with respect and true love as I somehow expected and anticipated from them.

What is a relief, and a mystery, is that the person I thought was my twin flame, my Manu, and the one I assumed I would always have strong and passionate feelings for, has gone entirely from my heart. It is disappointing from the point of view of my soul's development, as the aim to to love every single bit of Life as God, but from another point of view, having entirely neutral or no feelings at all is the biggest breakthrough. I can't even conjure up his face in my mind's eye any longer, nor his energy with mine as I lie to go to sleep.

It is as though he no longer exists at all now in my personal world.

I suppose that is the only way I can move on with my life, to thrive, to survive. Because, facing the ugly fact, he both made and broke me. A million times.

And as for the other two, there is not really much point in dragging on hopeless scenarios. Married men will remain happily married with children, and nothing I pray for or imagine or hope will manifest. They don't love me enough

... and there is a huge blessing in that.

I am slowly becoming an automaton in the workplace and I must find a solution and a way out.

It is severely disappointing to me that once again I will not complete a course and certification due to life and my ill health.

I've just gotten bored with everything that everyone has to say. Any harm that comes to me, and trust me it comes to me daily, is looked upon with a weariness and a studied avoidance. No matter how much I avoid being around people and cars, they find a way to interfere with my journey and almost run me over and kill me. Almost daily now. Just like I miss the bus to work daily.


I read something really precious in the book I have in front of me... "The Knowing Heart" by Kabir Helminski, and it talks about surrender and submission of one's will and taking everything as a true gift.

Every smite, difficulty, everything.

I feel that in my quest to find real teachings and teachers, I have still come up with cold air and the whispers of a sweet, masculine, American (but not Texan) voice on a freezing cold night driving back to Richmond Hill from Niagara Falls.

My mind had been upset and attacked for the preceding days, I had experienced two major panic attacks in someone else's use, and I had to somehow maintain my dignity amongst clueless relatives. it was tough.

"Well, may I be blunt?"

"Sure."

"The problem is that you haven't submitted fully to God. You keep talking in terms of I."

And I have had to view that uncomfortable truth straight in the eye. Every single day.

But, it takes time to get to that state, my dear majnoon brother. (Making you my brother will be a lot easier for my soul to bear than the original desire).

And you have been blessed with that state after all of your self discipline and dedication.

I have not done that for myself as yet, and so I am learning to move forward.

It is beautiful to be in the presence of someone with such a calming, loving energy flooding through their entire system. I didn't have to be speaking to him (and trust me, he didn't feel like talking to me most of the time). I just craved to be in the same auric field as his, and so I took all opportunities to do that, including staying up late into the night whilst they talked about kryptocurrency, and athiests and agnostics, and then I felt more grounded and safer. At "home". Embraced, and comforted.

At the time, I assumed it was him I was after, and for the last two years since we met, I assumed that would give my soul the peace it was seeking.

But we always mistake the vessel, the pottery, for the true authentic Source of energy.

God then breaks the pottery, makes it so very flawed and mean and avoidant, that He returns you back to the Source. God loves us too much to let us remain in delusion for that long. Especially if we are sincere in our seeking, and our in our light.

But what sincerity is, is different to each soul. Remember Moses and the shepherd, always. We each have been that Shepherd, and Moses, and Khidhr, and all of them. We are all One. We just need to remember.

But it takes experience and a certain level of growth to see Truth with clarity and immediacy. A lot of solitude and reflection - so that one doesn't begin hating the one we love, but seeing them as unable to love back in the same manner. It is not their role to appease any insecurities, but to unpick and unravel our tapestry of self deceit as to allow all the maggots to come to the surface, and gnaw the false sense of self into dust.

How vulnerable it feels to be thrown back to the ground again, to get up and look around and find oneself in the same position one was 8 long years ago. The same words reverberating in ones ears, the same fears making us have sleepless nights.

And yet...

Even those closer to God than you will disappoint. He went off on his journeys to visit spiritual friends, and never thought to take me. And I never had expectations, but I suppose the fact he said in the very end that it had been a possibility is what was so humbling, and so disappointing.

The God I have faith in doesn't play games, but human egos play those games.

Nonetheless, that conversation, alongwith the driving and the love, healed something that had been sucking my energy dry. It was another one of those awful entities, and trust me, I am so fed up of having to deal with them and remove them, and them coming back, and removing them yet again.

Whether I pick them up in these heaving cities of murkiness and energy leeching, or if I take them on from individuals when I empathise with them, it has not served me well. They attach to my throat, and i cannot express myself, they attach to my mind, and I think ugly thoughts.

I felt more like myself after the healing, It was very strong, and I was reeling with dizziness for a long time afterwards, but still stuck as a guest in someone else's Pakistani home, and therefore having to respond "normally" like others, instead of the lost, wandering, gypsy like soul that I house.

The one who could see me most was my mirror, and even he surprised me with his repressive and limited programming that he is still to question and address.

The masculine, Pakistani, Muslim programming that feels no qualms about two women being married to the same man AND sharing the same room. The programming that personalises historical and spiritual events, and thinks that prayers to remove blessings from the entire lineage of certain dark characters in Shi'a history is justified, and in the same breath prays for Palestine, Syria, and wants to heal the world.

The programming that somehow tells me to wear a headscarf, and that somehow that will aid me in my quest for liberation and a state of utter oneness with God.

Gender is truly a concept.

We came to make this damned planet into one whereby females are no longer harmed or controlled by masculine energy.

The wedding was probably the most normal human thing I have done in a long time. it would have been lovely, had it not also been such an empty experience for me. Just the wedding reception. A bunch of people in a room, waxed and painted and seated. No real introductions made, and I felt a bit nauseated and uncomfortable with having to make conversation with people who were not comfortable with my energy. I didn't know what to do with those encounters, and they left me feeling as though I had two left feet.

But that red velvet cake was good!

As was this kickass song I discovered at the mehendi




I know, the lyrics are demeaining, as is the really unimaginative video. I like the tune. It's good for Zumba workouts :p

And I come home from Canada with a buzz, only to find out that I was criticised behind my back by people who were sweet to my face - and about the most petty of matters. Showering for too long, and blatant lies about my not washing dishes enough - this is the extent that some people see me as. An unreliable dishwasher. Not as an invited, honoured guest in the house (alongside 13 other people), or a loved, treasured niece. If I ever felt like a second cousin, it was in that house.

At the end of it, once I process the hurt my ego feels, I will accept that we don't have to be likeable to the majority of people. And we will be lied to, and betrayed by people who will be the most loving people to others. Something in us triggers off that darkness.

When this happens often enough, and in my experience, it always has, it is better to be alone in this case.

Rule 6, 40 Rules of Love by Shems Tebrizi

Loneliness and solitude are two different things. When you are lonely, it is easy to delude yourself into believing that you are on the right path. Solitude is better for us, as it means being alone without feeling lonely. But eventually it is the best to find a person who will be your mirror. Remember only in another person’s heart can you truly see yourself and the presence of God within you.

And my mirrors have all gone off, becoming memories of the past.And I will no longer carry the past upon my shoulders like a huge burden.

It was what it was. I did what I did, they said what they said.

My delusions are continuously blown up in my face, until I surrender to Thee.

And not have any false beliefs or delusions about my fellow humans, and their capacity for unconditional love. We all are still clearing our muck.

It looks really ugly, and I'm going through the motions due to lack of any other choices at this time.

And yet, when the joy hits, I become One with Self and with Thee

Maureen Moss | It's time to take Destiny into your own hands

Maureen Moss

4 hrs · 

 

I began to simply post a portion of my latest newsletter: "The Bells of Destiny," (see below) when I heard about the latest massive attack killing 75+ people in France.

We are a world divided and and a people in massive pain.

We are witnessing death, division, racism, terrorism, incoherence and destruction quicker than the mind can comprehend...though comprehend we must. And, it must start with us.

We have a connection to make.

Not for one more minute can we terrorize ourselves by one unkind word spoken to ourselves. Not for one more minute can we divide our consciousness by pitting ourselves against ourselves...about anything. Truth and lies do not co-exist peacefully.

Not for one more minute can we offer droplets of compassion to ourselves and in the next minute accept, consent and believe the mind when it belittles us. We are sacred gifts upon this earth. When will we believe it?

Not for one more minute can we look into the eyes of any other and decide we know who they are and then judge them by our perceptions. We are all encoded with the Light of God. Everyone is having their own journey. Who are we to judge? We have our own Lights to switch on.

And, not for one more minute can we toy around with affirmations about loving ourselves. We either do...or we Must Find The Way to.

We can't afford to break our own hearts any longer. We can't afford to hang on to our pain, divides and grievances. That's what began the worlds crippling disregard for Life, for Love, for All lives matter... at the core.

It's time to take Destiny into your own hands.

NEWSLETTER: THE BELLS OF DESTINY
Click on www.maureenmoss.com/newsletter-page