so hidden in God

“A woman's heart
should be so hidden
in God that a man has
to seek Him
just
to
find
her.”

- Maya Angelou



****

i tried again, God.

i thought this time would be different
but it just showed me
my delusions and denials.

maybe i was destined
to find a child-like friend
but someone who doesn't even
have the inclination to talk
on the phone.

yet, i love him.
it's a pure love
from one pure soul
for another

i don't even think he loves me back
not in the way i need
just as a friend
or family

i have to go through yet another
grieving process
it's in the eyes
in the heart
in the thymus
grief
disappointment
rage


i am truly appreciative
for the connection
past-life or beyond incarnation

i was trying to make friends with
someone else
but he is in a lot of pain
and my strongly held opinions
clashed with his -
he told me to leave him alone

the losses increase
and You are trying to get through to me

the material tokens
the prestige
the years
the people

i remind myself how some dervishes look on the outside

unkempt
in direct communion with Thee

have i ever experienced a single moment
in my life of that grace
that direct connection with Thee?

am i settling again for form
and not allowing it all to wash away
into molecules
into atoms?

i would like to feel
i am such a woman
who is hidden in God

https://pixabay.com/photos/woman-girl-eye-models-scarf-590490/ caption

i feel i may be one
who is hidden
from
God



i am no longer hiding

but i feel i am still hidden

they tell me to make a list
to buy two pink candles
to recite verses
to make a spell

but is that all that is required
to finally be with a Soul
who is my perfect complement
my soul-mate

a man who would actually recognise me
at first sight
rather than the other way round

the man who would see Goddess
inside of me
and his heart would open
with recognition, love and worship
of Thee

recognising my Light
understanding that I am still only a fallible human,
with many weaknesses,
immense hcallenges,
intense Scorpio energy,
but the respect, the love, the compassion
and the feeling of homecoming,
recognition
would ooze through his eyes?

he would match me in stillness
and i would match him in vigour
we would speak
without speaking

we would not feel ashamed
of gazing into each other's souls

no shame in fucking each other's brains out
whilst calling Thy Holy names
filled with gratitude for Thy plan

pure tantra
pure Union
pure love-making

matching our lust and love into
a litany, an ode
a whispered prayer
a relieved thank you
after my 15 year search

the emotional healing would
of course be in process
but there would be the emotional
connection
most of my holes would be filled
with ME
so that they were no longer hole
but just holy

and the same for him

and my irritability would be
tempered by peace
wisdom
matched by his
wisdom
humility
saying salaam
to humility

the complement
to my mission
on this planet
of self healing
healing others
learning from foolish mistakes
figuring out how to be financially
abundant

he would help me build
my spiritual centre
the healing modality
would heal his traumas

he would understand
the light language
flowing from my hands

and we would both dream of one another
without even making a bedtime intention

but, dearest little one,
you would need to be
an entirely different woman

to the one you show up as right now

frequency
vibes
good luck

just breathe

agar hona hai, hoga eventually
agar iss baari kuch nahi hona

toh hona nahi hai

the end-game is activating and aligning with
my own masculine energy
and truly loving myself as i would like another to love me

and unconditionally love
all the others who crossed my path
and then ran off


my discernment requires work
and this codependency needs
a BPL (bum peh laat)

hide inside of God
the real one
not the ones all these new age people
all these religious people

are shoving down your third eye
implanting you with false ideologies

tu abhi bachhi nahi rahi

grow up, yaar
mature

maturation is vital for meeting with God

and an understanding
that He causes the blindness

and that you only call Him He
because
someone told you to do so

it is of course a moot point
but it does make one question

Sukaina Juma
07/01/2020

(N.B. I'm not even venturing to ask you for a woman - the attraction hasn't ever been so strong that anything happened. Although I am most definitely bisexual, it's more a concept, more an understanding, a vehicle for compassion and tolerance, but not a real experience. Connections are soul based. For some reason, I don't gel with any of the women I have ever met in that way. Meeting the wrong women, then!)

Please accept an apology | Curated Post

Divine Union

Yesterday at 02:36 ·

Dear Men/Male Twins

On behalf of the collective feminine, please accept an apology for using the feminine pain body
For devaluing you
For blaming you
For shaming you
For criticizing you
For saying you’re not awake
For being more superior than you
For possessing you
For using sex as bait to try to keep you
For controlling you
For resenting you
For flinging our pain at you
For constantly emasculating you
For being desperate for your attention
For being desperate for you
For being in grief over you
For suffering over you
For finding fault with you
For constantly labeling you as a runner
For demanding your love
For trying to consume you with emotions
For using you as a scapegoat
For keeping you a prisoner in our hearts

We release you into your holiness and set you free

-Nicole Gayle

https://nicolegayle.com/about/

Water says, "How will you be made clean without me?"

Water says to the dirty, "Come here."
The dirty one says, "But I am so ashamed."
Water says, "How will you be made clean without me?"
Rumi, Mathnavi

~~~~~~~

You remove the thoughts that create a life form.

The energy comes back for a while, and you feel like your blood has become liquid gold for a while.

I have more energy.

Two days ago, with the precision of timing that only God has mastery over, and with my surrendering to my intuition, I met my soul mate whom I had not seen in 8 months due to his fears and blockages from his wife.

He apologised to me in very clear and detailed words. no running, no hiding behind a silent wall. I fell in love with him all over again (not that I had stopped). A perfect present... but there is nothing I can do. When someone gives away all of their power to their spouse, whereby she is checking his phone and emails, and doesn't allow you to experience the delicate nuances of human relationship. When he lacked the courage to text or call me in 8 months, and not really care how many nights I cried, or the pain that is still playing up every once in a while... well, then he isn't ready for me to be in his life.


As a friend.

I would never break up anyone's marriage or partnership (how egotistical is that thought? that someone else is the cause or source of my happiness or my peace), and this one obviously has been going very well for eleven years. They had their third child in September 2017.

I ain't that desperate for companionship (not any longer, that is).

I told him, "I know I deserve better."

This life teaches you that there are things that are more important than coupling. being okay with being alone, and being the main cause for this loneliness, for one.

The funny thing is I thought of him two days ago watching one of those YouTube videos about picking cards regarding exes. For him, the green crystals came up, as in he thought of me as a friend and was an angel in my life. All that is true.

But the love between us is so strong, I was surprised after 8 months, I still have exactly the same force of love and attraction and affection towards him. No change. As always, there was the electric charge that occurs whenever we are in the same vicinity, in the same room.

But I am thankfully not the same soul I was 8 months ago. Or rather, not the same human. I am forcing myself to surrender to whatever the reality is.

If I cast so many wicked, dark magic spells upon myself throughout the years and existences, it will take some time for them to wear off.

I had the witch-like entity removed exactly two weeks before. And, after 8 months after being so broken and in pain and hurt, and him ignoring me once when I was at the grocery store, we meet - with the precision of seconds. Had I left work earlier or had I been sidetracked with going to the second building to drop off leaflets for my colleague, I would have missed him. I left the leaflets because they were too heavy. And was angry at myself for not bringing them when it would have taken just two extra minutes to drop them off.

But those two minutes would have meant never meeting my Punjabi soulmate that evening.

He asked me to forgive him... he looked towards the skies in what seemed a gesture of awe and gratitude and said, "Well, it was meant to be that we met".

"I don't want you to think that I ever thought of you in less of a way. I don't want you to think that it was me who sent you that message.

"It wasn't you?"

"It was my wife."

I always am amazed how he keeps calling her his wife, instead of by name. I would always call them by their names. There must be some anger toward her on his part. He must feel the trappings, the energetic shackles and enslavement - he's really not that unintelligent or in denial (I would hope not.).

"You have no idea how many times I dialled your number and then cut off the call."

He alone has the right to break,
for he alone has the power to mend.
He that knows how to sew together
knows how to tear apart:
whatever He sells,
He buys something better in exchange.
He lays the house in ruins;
then in a moment He makes it more livable than before."

Rumi, Mathnavi, 1, 3882

"But I never received any call!"
"Yes, because I cut the call before dialling. I just had no idea what would happen if I did, and I couldn't take the risk. The guilt has been eating me up."


"Ab aisa lag raha hai ke thhora dil ka bojh kum ho gaya..."

Honestly? I couldn't write a script better than this - and he's not even for me. Well, my hair could have been prettier and breath fresher. Haha. Note for next time... except, again, had I stopped to freshen up at the office before leaving, I'd have missed him!

But maybe the script my soul is writing is the one of unconditional love. Not having anyone in your life, and forcing yourself to forgive his insecure wife, his own ego, and release the attachment. To spread your love to others, including some (there are many in London) arseholes that have crossed you.

If he had allowed me, I'd have given him a massive hug and a kiss. But Sukaina was not allowed to show her love and affection to him, as has always been the case. And so he drove off in his silver car, not even willing or able to offer me a lift to the bus stop.

The funny thing about him is I picked up on his beauty whilst walking past his car, and dared to look again - it was my soul that said, "look at this handsome guy. It is safe to look - to engage with life" - my default has been to ignore people and glaze my view. Something about those Muslim beards gets me into a hypnotic state. Thank goodness, he cut it back to regular size. There had been a phase whereby he was doing a some really weird things with that beard of his.

And then I recognised him.

He recognised me.

And I called out, "Can you talk to me?"

He said "I can, now."

And the best thing about him is there is almost no drama. None at all. Comfortable like an old pair of sneakers. Like a fleece blanket. Like my neighbour's cats.  Like a cup of cocoa with marshamllows and cream.

His is a soul I could hug forever. The kind of feeling I want to feel when I finally meet my own life partner. Just warm and fuzzy. Instant trust and faith. God energy.

The refined, perfect merging of the divine feminine and sacred masculine.

For 8 months, my belief has been he just doesn't care. And it is correct - one has to be really distracted and in fear to not clear up any misunderstandings.

A simple text or phone call would be all that it took. But he hasn't gotten to that level as yet.

And on the night of the solar eclipse, he showed me just how MUCH he loves and cares for me. I can never doubt it again. But, again, there was a heat of mutual love and care, of respect and of compassion, and none of the crap that I was feeling before: no anger, no hatred, no desire to get in the last word. I just spoke too quickly again.

It's the kind of friendship we both would grow from and find immense freedom in. And fun. But, as it stands... he closed off at the end, probably feeling guilty about his wife. Honestly, what is it with us humans and operating our beautiful, free existences based on the core trappings of guilt and fear?

I did tell him, "You need to have courage. Aise rishtey bohot kam milte hain. If anything changes, give me a call. Or text."

All he said was, "I'll see you around, maybe." He stiffened up, went back to reality.

I do NOT envy him, in spite of the fact he has a loving wife and three beautiful children, and an active social life, and loving family.

Since this isn't quite working in my favour, more entities are in need of removal, more curses. We both were standing out in the cold on the pavement for half an hour, rather than in a nice cosy coffee shop or restaurant. I didn't even think of asking to sit in the car to talk, and even if I had, I wouldn't have asked. He would have gotten the wrong idea of what my intentions are.

I just hope he chooses me as his spouse or girlfriend the next time we both incarnate together. What the **** is the point of incarnating with all of these beautiful soulmates, meeting them online or in the flesh, and NOT ****ing ending up with any of them? Hello?

This is so difficult for me. We were both here when we were teenagers but I never met him then, did I? I always, ALWAYS, find them AFTER they have already married the women they are meant to be with. It was the curse I put upon myself at age 13. The ridiculous Jane Austen curse.

And I accept that I made such a horrible thing happen to me. I wanted to experience this level of indescribable pain, I guess.

However, after feeling like there was something fundamentally wrong with me that no man I loved loves me back, and each of them have hurt me, Allah graced me with the clear sign that He can make things happen with such precise engineering, I still can't believe it. I've still been going to the grocery store, but never seeing him and have become so okay with it, I don't even look for him.

Allah also is reminding me that, contrary to how my family feel about me, how certain female friends feel, and contrary to every shitty thought I have had about myself and my life, he loves me. No question.

Such a sweet, kind, soft man. So soft and stable and loving, I melt into his energy and never want to leave (unless he's acting upon his ego, which is infuriating).

May I find one with all of their good qualities who had true courage and spiritual fire, such that he knows straight away that we are connected and is willing to sacrifice for the union.

Or else, give me two healthy cats to have as my children!

(Ideally both, but as they say, "laazim nahin hai ke dunya ke saari khushiyan kamaa le tu...").

And then, today, I lost all energy and vitality, I've been lying in bed all day "sick". I hope I didn't create a sadness and frustration entity that's sucking me dry.

Oh, this spiritual path!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm reading a few Sufi books I finally got after my friend got mad at me for not reading from the masters and going to hacks and charlatans for healings and knowledge.

The Knowing Heart and Living Presence, both by Kabir Helminski who has a soft, fluid way with words.

And a book by Chishti about Sufi healing...title to be added when I find the book somewhere in my room.

Starting with what is familiar and warm, what I know... my soul isn't as old as I wanted it to be, and I am now accepting of all of that.

I still mess up in social situations, and still don't have control over my own life... the small things, the larger things.

Experiencing such extreme fatigue and a buzzing that won't let me sleep or meditate or pray. Or do anything I need to do.

All is as it is.

Twin Flame Forecast 29th May - 4th June "The Great Awakening" | Curated Post

http://www.twinflames1111.com/blog/weekly-energy-update/29th-may-4th-june/

Seems as though I'm not allowed to copy and paste the article here, sadly. So kindly click directly to the link to the article written by Cassady Cayne. It seems to resonate a lot with what's going on with a few people I have spoken to. Because it seems so amazing to see it happen in front of my eyes, I am posting the article here in case it resonates with other people.

We weren't crazy, the paradigm is shifting, the heart is opening.

Second wave, I don't think I met any of them, however I was one of them who went "online" last year, very late last year, December 2016.

Now it is time for a new wave of people to awaken.

Because you can see what state the world is in, and how many people need us to be awakening in order to be of any use. Now the poor fish in the ocean are swallowing plastic from microfibers, and being burned by the Fukushima nuclear waste.

It is a huge challenge, yet we each chose our challenges knowing we would succeed.

God is there, Love is there, eternal and unconditional.

For ourselves, first of all. For everyone, at some point. The heart has to become this generous to counteract all the separation that has been engineered for far too long, and I realise I was a bit gullible and fell for it all.

Never again!

I myself am going through a complete rewiring and deprogramming. I am dazed most of the time, and have fallen a bit unwell as a result. It has been so challenging in the last month, and also having so few people who would understand, or even empathise!

The past is being destroyed, and with that a lot of old relationships that were not good for me in any way. I leaked a lot of energy out, without realising it. It is a sign of growing up, finally.

The end is good, I am sure. Everything that has happened up until now, has also been good.

Peace out x

A channeled Message for Twin Flames as Venus Stations Direct | Curated Post

A channeled Message for Twin Flames as Venus Stations Direct

http://twinstrology.com/channeled-message-twin-flames-venus-stations-direct/

 

Venus Retrograde 2017 is a transit that you will likely remember for a long time. It’s been a rough few weeks of taking a serious look at our past relationships. Venus official moves forward tomorrow but today she is stopped in the sky, conjunct Chiron, trine Vesta and square Saturn, who is also at a standstill. This is making the energy intense to say the very least. As Venus/Chiron squares Saturn, you are seeing the soul wounds you have been carrying through many incarnations. They are coming to the surface and being broken down.

This energy is empowering sacred union with your twin flame and yet, the energy can feel like anything BUT that. Are you feeling a complete disconnection from your twin and your union? Perhaps a lack of emotions? Are you being pushed to focus on yourself rather than them?

This has a reason behind it. One of the gifts of sacred union is the enhancement of creative abilities. In sacred union, the masculine and feminine reach balance and this allows manifestation, or creative abilities, to become much more rapid. With this increased ability also comes increased responsibility. If you are being given the ability to create your reality, what is it you are creating? Vesta is assisting all of you with this part as she brings the energy of purification, including purification of our motives, as well as dedication to mission.

Sacred union is going to manifest from within you. If you are still giving your power away to external forces you aren’t ready for this phase of union. The disconnection will show you that you CAN move forward alone. Giving your power away to your twin is still giving your power away. That has ended.
Many twins are in the process of moving up into another aspect of themselves or embodying more of their Christ-consciousness. Very fitting considering Christians are celebrating the death and resurrection of Christ around the world at this time. Again, you need to be in this higher-consciousness to use your creative energy responsibly.

Going through the process of this embodiment is like having your foundation collapse. Things are being rearranged. It’s chaotic energy. It’s a complete letting go of everything so that the new can be formed. To me, it feels like being in a void. You may have experienced this letting go in many areas of your life over this retrograde period; emotionally, physically, mentally. You are opening yourself to the new timelines that are being birthed with Venus, Saturn and Chiron.

I am being shown that the solar plexus chakra is key right now. Twin flames are experiencing a rebalancing of this chakra, which is our power-center. Some may have experienced physical symptoms as this chakra was activated at some point during the retrograde and likely it was in conjunction with your twin’s energy, meaning your twin was feeling it, too.

When the solar plexus is blocked, we embody some of the negative traits associated with the feminine energy. We have low self-esteem. We can become over-emotional. There is difficulty setting boundaries and suffering from co-dependency. Passivity can be an issue. We play the victim or become martyrs. We feel depressed and alone.

When the solar plexus is overactive, there is a tendency to associate with negative traits of the divine masculine. There is a tendency to control or to dominate others. To be very judgmental. We become very rigid. Nothing is ever good enough. We feel like we know it all. When the solar plexus is blocked, we are too open but when it is overactive, we are not open enough.

When your solar plexus is healthy, you are self-confident, empowered and responsible. You are in control of your emotions and thoughts, which allows your inner guidance to come through. You love yourself while being able to honor others. When challenges come up, you are able to meet them. You know when to take action. The opinions of others do not control you. Goodbye co-dependency! You can remain calm in the face of adversity. People are drawn to you because you are open and understanding without being a pushover.

You can see how being balanced in the solar plexus is an important step in balancing your energy and coming into sacred union. That is why this is happening now. It’s leading you to that place of responsibility that is necessary for your manifestation.

This is allowing twin flames to feel comfortable in that place of complete letting go and opening to new opportunities. You feel safe enough to allow your new self to be born. When the time comes for action, you will be ready and able to move forward. If things begin to manifest that you don’t understand, and this is going to happen, you won’t become a slave to your emotions.

Trust in this process now, beloveds. Take this time for yourself. It will keep you balanced through your transformation. Whatever is happening, your soul is in charge. New energy is here for the taking. Your creative powers have never been stronger. The new cannot come in if there is no room for it so do not hold on to the old that wants to fall away. Like the trapeze artist, you must let go and spring towards the next bar, allowing yourself to be in that gap for a split second.

Saturn is still on the Sabian symbol, “A splendidly built bridge, a heritage of unknown ages, still spans the beautiful and wildly primitive stream.” That primitive stream represents the chaotic creative force. The bridge is joining the old and the new. You are in the center of that bridge right now.

Technically, you are in neither place. Which way will you go? Back towards the old ways? Or will you step forward into the new? That which has never been before?

And do you feel safe enough within yourself now to walk that bridge alone? You must choose for yourself and your twin must choose for themselves. The choice will be made individually yet always knowing you are one. You will not fully know the others choice until you begin to move forward in your own decision. You are balanced. You are strong. Step towards your destiny.

Channeled by Marla Kelly, Intuitive Astrologer @ Twinstrology.com
April 14, 2017
http://www.twinstrology.com

The different fabrics of souls (1)

Stunning mosaic art work

I met someone new over the weekend. I already knew he was happily married with two children before we even met in the flesh, so this time I fortunately didn't get my hopes up. We didn't interact much during the full day workshop we were participating at, mainly because it was more task based and taking in information than that of interaction. At lunch, we were at different tables.

I found it easier to be in this group setting yet I still had a panic attack in the morning and had to do some deep breathing and hold onto a crystal for the morning session.

It has been a challenging week.

He was gracious enough to drop me half way home, to the nearest TfL Underground station that didn't mean him going out of his way. Very logical. Had to go back home to his kids.

Again, on my pilgrimage to Iraq earlier this month, I had asked for my genuine and real soul family to come up so I can begin making new and hopefully longer lasting connections. No karma, no drama.

So the first guy I'm sent along is a surprise, since I have been hiding and in hibernation for months now, after having been repeatedly hurt by male members of the human species. I seem to have been attracting the really sensitive ones who have been hurt so badly, they have barbed wires around their hearts and minds and have punctured me so much whilst all I tried to do was heal their hearts.

A hard lesson learned.

He is someone who again I didn't even bother to exchange contact details with or even ask what his last name was, because of the very old paradigm of me connecting so quickly and comfortably with a Muslim man who is married.

We felt like old friends from the start. I did fall into an old pattern of sounding somewhat superficial and involved with the mundane realities of life, only because I suppose I had to speak in a language he would understand. It felt so good to just be my daft self, not even knowing how connect to the Bluetooth of his BMW and not being able to help charge his phone properly.

We drove in silence for a while (he couldn't take too much quiet for reasons unknown) as the sun was setting and as we passed lush green fields and beautiful trees, I realised this is what a normal romantic relationship would feel like. It made me sad that, in 33 years, I am yet to experience such simple pleasures of life.

And yet the acceptance of my current life and all of the past heavy karmic involvements with others washed through me. "My next life-time will be better, inshallah" is my new appeasing phrase to myself.

We were driving past Hyde Park when he complained about his frustration with the Muslim community doing the defunct thing every Thursday of going to the mosque and wasting X amount of hours in a year over nothing.

"We should do something more social, why doesn't anyone do something more casual?"

I replied: Well, there are people who are doing a lot of stuff, but they are the ones who have been excommunicated from the community!" And then I continued, "Look, you have to understand that there are different soul ages and levels. From my perspective, 80% of people who are currently Muslim are like that because if they WEREN'T Muslim, and weren't under some rules and regulations, they would cause such chaos in the world. I am one such person, if I hadn't had a grounding, I'd have been even more lost than I am now."

He nodded his head in assent.

"There are many people who are infant souls. Now someone who is kindergarten and reached Year five is doing quite well for himself. You can't expect that person to become a PhD. You have to understand this. And as for those of us (such as you and I) who are going beyond that and seeking more, well, that's because... um (at that point, I was so exhausted, my words were failing me and couldn't come out as poetic and meaningful as I would have liked) .. the fabric of our souls is different."

Yes, he felt like soul family. I haven't felt this comfortable with anyone in such a long time, at least since my colleague from the job I left a year ago. The same colleague who was such a source of support to me for two years has now decided to ignore me entirely.

And this is why I no longer can rely on anyone. Because they will always fail you.

Hadhrat Abbas (a.s.) shrine at Dhuhr prayer

I had gone to Iraq to pray for myself, pray for Iraq, pray for the dire way the UK is going, pray for every animal and every soul. Pray, pray, pray for my entire life to shift and change. For me to just be free from all that is holding me back.

I may need to write a separate post on my journey there. It deserves such respect.

For now, I can say I felt such immense peace at the shrines in Najaf, Karbala and Kadhmain. The energy shimmered. I didn't feel the loss of family or lovers or friends.

It felt as though my real divine mother had taken me up and was cradling me in her arms. This was specifically at the shrine of Abu Fadhl Abbas ibn Ali. Such peace, such belonging. I cried almost every time. My heart hurt. I couldn't recite anything, I would just look at the children playing and pray for their safety and well being and look at the sparrows flitting about the shrine, making thier place there.

It felt so good being there. Two weeks in a place without any chem trails. I could breathe. Although I really dislike wearing the black chador, at least I blended in and no one stared at me as  they do in London. I had very few, if any, people sticking to my butt as well.

I came back to London and I miss it. But I could not live in Iraq. Not right now. Maybe when there is peace in that land, I may try to live in Baghdad or any place where I don't need to cover from head to toe.

The orphan children and their smiles.... I would like to experience serving the orphans in a very real and practical way.

Beautiful Iraqi children in Najaf, selling trinkets on the street instead of being in school

I feel more at home there than I do in London or any other place in the West I have visited. London has very dark energies, and most light workers I speak to agree with me on this. They all feel they would be a lot better suited to another place, the countryside or elsewhere. Perhaps we all decided to come here because we were called to cleanse the place.

But for some of us, the pain and drama is not worth awakening an entire city or planet for. It is no longer acceptable to my own soul, I deserve better than the experiences that continue to occur with me in this city. With people feeling so disconnected form themselves and the general chaos in this city, surely I know better than to continue staying here.

I never thought I would go so far as to say I feel imprisoned living in London. I know there might be a city or town somewhere else in the UK whereby my soul could rest and breathe freely. Or somewhere else in the world whereby my footsteps and presence would be loved and cherished.

It is just a matter of asking God to help reveal the next steps and finally remove the obstacles to it all.

If I was to detail the fabric of my own soul, it is of the most delicate and fine material, wispy and loving. Warm shades of pink, mauve, blue, green, splashes of bright yellow and giggles. A deep cat's purr.

(C) Kenji Kumara, all rights reserved

There is a reason why the Qu'erro shared their healing knowledge and wisdom with us "Western" people. We need healing more than ever.

Even though I think I've done the healing, today my shaman told me I have to keep doing the healing.

It is what it is.

May I finally submit to what God wishes for me, instead of going against the divine plan and ending up with nothing all over again.

That burnt out feeling of a tired soul that wants release

Why Men Withdraw Emotionally : Curated Article

This is a curated article from Elephant Journal. I chose to do this because it really is a beautifully written and very expressive piece of work.

As we may not be aware of, the divine feminine is rising and the divine masculine is decluttering the old patriarchal way of being.

We need to learn to be truly compassionate and caring as all of this unravels. It's hardly ever "pretty".

I will however add my own theory that it is no easier for women to access their emotions than men. Emotional intelligence has nothing to do with sex or gender. Women may have an ancestral, genetic advantage in this department, however I know from my own personal experience that it has been so difficult for me to relate emotionally to people and to myself.

I was always the "cry baby" as a child, and so I stopped my tears and swallowed them all in from a very young age, creating a series of dysfunctional thought patterns, belief and behaviours as a result. Anger is an emotion that few Muslim families, and in my experience East African Asian families, tolerate well in young females, and that is another emotion of mine that has been suppressed and I am working on at the moment.

Emotional intelligence is something that is both learned and also some have an innate capacity to thrive in that area, others do not.

I, for one, know of a few men who are way advanced in their emotional intelligence than I anticipate to be for a while. They may have more of a divine female/sacred masculine balance inside themselves. The interesting commonality amongst them are that they all have been brought up in a balanced Islamic way, they all married early on in life to women they obviously loved and they have children.

This is not to say, of course, that is all that contributed to their emotional awareness, as one of them meditates regularly. However, in my narrow sphere of social contacts, this is what I have observed. I am excited to meeting more people to see what other commonalities they might have (apart from all of them being very beautiful healers in the very real sense of the term - they give a lot of love generously.)

A male or masculine body does not automatically equal that energetically, and vice versa.

A woman can have a lot of testosterone in the system (and there will be other psychological and energetic causes) and energetically come across as very masculine and unable to process emotions accordingly.

With all those little additions of mine, this is an article I really needed to come across today, as I am now meeting men with whom I am reconnecting with or making new friendships with and they all seem extremely eloquent online.

Because my intention is to have friendships and relationships that last the long term, I need to understand how to interact with the human male species.

And maybe even go out on a few dates here and there, without my entire nervous system going into panic mode due to very extreme and painful past experiences!

****

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/02/why-men-withdraw-emotionally/

Why Men Withdraw Emotionally
Via Keith Artisan
on Feb 3, 2014

In a relationship, having your partner withdraw at an emotional level can bring confusion, pain and frustration.

Women who relate to men that do this are often bewildered by why and how this happens.
Speaking as a man, and one who considers himself sensitive and emotionally available, there are particular situations and scenarios that cause me to withdraw. And I imagine that other men, regardless of how in-tune they are with their emotional nature, would respond in similar ways.

Just because a man withdraws does not mean he is withdrawing from you.

First, I just wanted to express that when a man seeks solace or withdraws from a conversation, it probably has nothing to do with the beloved. It has more to do with the emotional intensity and confusion around emotions than with any particular person. It just takes men more time to integrate and understand the watery realm of emotions. And understanding emotions isn’t something that happens for us spontaneously in the midst of a heated discussion.

We need space and time to figure out what is happening, both within our own self and with our beloved.

Men have been discouraged from feeling emotional. We have been mocked, attacked, and belittled when showing emotions. Big boys don’t cry, toughen up, and bite the bullet are all phrases men grow up with. So when we are faced with emotional situations, we are total novices.







The biggest harm that is not recognized or appreciated for the depth of damage that it causes at the emotional level to a man is that men are expected to be tough, to protect, and kill to defend their family. Violence, and the expectation of violence, mandates an absence of emotional sensitivity.

It is a double standard to expect a man to be emotionally available and to have him be able to harm another human being.

Have compassion and understand the kind of conundrum that a man faces when being emotional vulnerable and awakening to deeper sensitivities. It is rare enough to find a man who wants to delve within and unleash his inner passion. It doesn’t mean that he is going to be masterful at it. For men to be comfortable in their own skin and accept their feeling nature takes a growth curve.

A woman has a lifetime of experience navigating the oceanic tides of emotional states.

Women grow up with emotional states and are accepted as sensitive, feeling beings. She is able to observe, feel, recognize and better communicate her feelings than a man. Women are also adept at observing and recognizing the emotional states in other people. And when a woman finds a man who loves her, at some level, she feels a great deal of hope because she has found an emotional match, somebody who understands those hidden tides and influences.

Women will share all their heart and feelings, and not understand how this can impact a man. And when a man doesn’t respond as she needs, the feelings of being hurt or misunderstood arise. How those feelings are expressed matter a great deal.

The best men want an intimate connection with women, and often don’t know how to do that.

Men don’t fall short in the emotional realm because we are emotionally immature. We are emotionally inexperienced. Men face expectations and pressure about emotions that are confusing and contradictory. And when we find a woman who loves us and we love in return, it brings to life a living fire that had been suppressed for a lifetime. Yet fires burn, and the burgeoning sensitivities is akin to a child learning to walk. We fall down, we make blunders, and we are blind as to how to listen and communicate our emotions.

Men experience a learning curve when awakening to their deepest sensitivities.

And just as any beginner, they make mistakes. Sometimes the mistakes are colossal, and sometimes laughable. Men need an emotional example, how to be live with and operate with emotions in a healthy way. We also need to be accepted as we are, beginners with beautiful intention. To demand for a man to have the mastery over their emotions is an outrageous expectation. For most men, mastery over emotions means suppressing them, hiding feelings behind a mask of stoicism, or just turning off the emotions entirely. It takes time to even identify the subtle emotions, let alone to know how they function and their influence on our own self and those around us.

Any teacher knows that mocking a beginner or putting them down, criticizing them or their approach, will stunt the learning curve, if not completely stopping it.

The beloved woman becomes that guide into the mysterious realms of feeling emotions. When she expresses anger, puts down her man, belittles or mocks him, a man feels attacked. When she demands him to be sensitive, a man feels not good enough.

And when a man faces a womans wrath he will respond in the ways he has been taught to feel emotions since early childhood ; with anger. Anger is one of the few emotions accepted in men because it is a necessary emotion to be a soldier-killer. Anger is a natural defensive response for men. And once we become angry with our beloved, there is a host of problems that arise afterwards. Guilt, shame, inadequacy, failure, and fear. These siblings to anger are inevitable when fury shows its face, especially when we know that our loved one has been hurt as a result of our anger.

The words spoken in anger harm the recipient and the speaker.

It takes time for a man to feel comfortable feeling emotions. After all, such a man is challenging the tenets and pressure of an entire society and its deeply ingrained training.

A man’s natural response when hurt or confused is to withdraw. Almost everybody knows about the masculine need to retreat to the cave. And whether this is physical space, or mental space, or even silence, the cave is an essential healing tool for the manly mind. The cave allows integration of the experience, introspection to see what is happening within, and understanding to know how to better respond in the future.

Women set the example and emotional tone that allows their partner to feel safe.

When a man faces a woman who is emotionally stable, it allows him to understand his own emotions. The depth of understanding that the woman has with herself and her own emotional nature will give him the security to express and unveil his own strengths. The woman who is emotionally secure brings a presence of emotional security to the relationship. A well meaning man will appreciate this and do his best, and grow faster and reveal the depths of his spirit with increasing strength and confidence.

Granted, the ideal is that a man can figure out his emotional state and come into his own emotional maturity through his own self-generated willpower. Yet the reality is that teachers, guides and mentors accelerate this process and help a person navigate the confusing and mysterious realms of emotions. There are a great many pitfalls and bewildering mirages when it comes to the shifting sands of sensitivities. And as man learns his emotional state, he is also facing the additional challenges from his friends, family, and world that challenges that awakening at every step.
The woman who is insecure with her own emotions will see a man who withdraws as a threat and denigrate him and go on the attack. This is the antithesis of supportive behavior.

She may not realize that he is a man who is brave beyond measure to face his own soul and bare his spirit with vulnerable trust. When a man doesn’t respond as she needs and demands at the emotional level, lashing out will only cause harm. Gentle understanding and compassionate acceptance brings healing and deepens the relationship. One of the best qualities women have is the ability to nurture.
Nurturing is not aggressive. And with a man, directing aggression at him will generate an aggressive response. He will either fight or run. The flight or fight response is deeply ingrained into every human being. In essence, attacking a man who is opening his heart will trigger a survival level instinct. Once that survival level power fully awakens in relationship, the dynamics in the relationship changes and may never come back to equilibrium.

Nurturing is not forceful, instead it is accepting and allows for a natural growth curve. Be patient.

Just as a tree takes time to come into its fullness and blossom, a man who is learning to embrace his deeper truths will need time to fully ripen into his potential.

Appreciate the men who take the time to stand up against society to discover, feel, live and unleash their sensitive side. It takes a lion’s heart full of courage to face down societal expectations and programmed beliefs. Give him gratitude, honor his spirit, thank him for being available with his sensitivity in ANY way that he is able.

Such a person is one of a kind, a warrior in the truest meaning of the word.