"...not really healing"

This quotation is summing up what I am experiencing now.

"I don't care how many mantras you recite and for how many hours or how many fire pujas you purge your sins into or how many jumping jack kriyas you do or how fast you can do Breath of Fire or how many sound healings you've been to or how often you pray or how much plant medicine you do or how many holy temples you've set foot in--if you are not doing inner work, you are spiritually bypassing. I have observed this in so many people over the years going in and out of yoga studios and healing centers--including myself. People who aren't dealing with their shadows and traumas thinking that the crystal wand will make it all disappear, are not really healing. They end up projecting their unconscious wounds on other people or blaming demons/spirits and giving their power away by constantly relying heavily on entities or gods or other healers."

~ Mayari Riversong

I don't feel the need to expand upon this further.

I'm dedicated to doing the work now.

So I shift from self destructive, disempowering realities to one that really helps me be myself and happy.

And that means sitting in the mess for quite a while until you've cleared it all up. And not ceased.

Fall down twice, get up thrice. Even if it's after a year, get up.

This time, I know that I will only be able to survive this life by God's grace. Everything before now has been total illusion, and frankly, a huge waste of time, effort, energy...

Well, perhaps not entirely. At least, I can sit in public without having panic attacks. This wasn't the case a few months ago.