Of a God that is fickle...

There is actually a lot to write about these days.

And yet all I wish to do is reflect, and at the same time my head is flowing with ideas that I can't actually write about. All they are doing is percolating around my head since Wednesday night.

And today I sat at home all day, and when I finally switched on the computer to observe how the world is turning, I find the things that would cause emotions to well up inside me, I look at them like a movie I am witnessing.

It was Glastonbury music festival this weekend, and I wasn't even aware. Even though I really do want to go to it. Perhaps in two years time, if 2017 isn't happening.

The entire world has a say about what has happened. Good, bad - something in between? All I am aware of is that the UK has shifted again, and I pray there is good in this. So my Spanish watermelon will cost a lot more, and I didn't agree to Boris Johnson EVER becoming Prime Minister.

Are all of these people the same, different faces and only one interest?

All the things I was running after last week, I've forgotten all of them in a daze.

I begin to ponder, how many times does one awaken from a dream?

How many times does one have another facet of themselves tell them they are asleep, or awake or something in between? That all the people they had sepcificially asked God for help, they all failer her in some manner?

That the impulsive soul causes much financial loss on seeking paradise.

Immy wrote to me in his offensive email to me in February that he too imagines what Heaven looks like. Why is he such a child in his way of seeing things? Is that really who I am still? Perhaps so.

He had come into my life to wake me up properly. I was writing poems as though a dam had burst. I was seeing things, thinking things that were most definitely the start of an awakening and the bursts of a creative soul.

It all died down, and I went back to him and I stuck to his memory for 6 years.

And now, there is nothing. Now, I am back to how I was before I met him.

Not really here, not really embodied, but at least my interest in life and politics is back. My interest in people is back. Lady Gaga gets to meet the Dalai Lama over the weekend, and I kind of feel a bit sad that I didn't go for London Pride Festival, because I was tired and didn't want to be around people.

I will probably need to really become active in the Green Party. The Women's Equality Party isn't run so much by love.

There have been many questions asked to me this week and luckily, this week hasn't been dramatic at all by my standards. It's been a good week, one in which I earned some money and had some mystical, bizarre experiences.

I wonder how it is to be around people who actually are sincere, pure and understand how things are.

One question, "Sukaina what happened? You are free but..." and it collapses me into a heap of tears.

I am free, but I live in a society whereby they are still doing their best to open their hearts and can't seem to do it. Earth Star chakra is all money minded and I can't seem to find my feet here.

I was considering moving to Bath, but in practical terms, I cannot.

One can write Hu on top of a clean, fresh page and write down all the manifesting statements, yet the fact remains that I don't know how and leaving the how to God is good for others, but hasn't worked for me.

All of these concepts, and what really saddens me is how on earth could I, someone with reasonable intelligence and wits and discernment, entirely allow someone take over my life and soul, delaying me in my opening up and onnection to God, and then lying to my face, saying that had I woken up earlier, I would have sent out the "spark of awakening" into the ethers.

That was when I really ought to have taken stock.

People have been waking up since the 60s. What I say or do in some ways has zero impact, because nothing I say or perceive hasn't been said before, and more eloquently.

My aim in life is not to be some saint. I can't do it, even my therapist told me the other day.

I want to be functionally happy, to be able to vote for the right things out of clear awareness and foresight, to be able to dismantle an unjust and nonsensical system for one that CARES about people.

I have been around people who said they wanted too do the same, had no clue at all about how to go about it, and kept changing their minds until I had that peculiar feeling of being a beached whale somewhere and not being able to get back to sea. So my skin is crisping in the sun, and my tongue is parched.

They say I am You and You are everywhere

Perhaps I enjoy being distant from Thee

They do say, not that I have any direct experience, that make up love making is the best kind, full of passion and spark. Maybe that's what m soul desires.

That after being separated from God for so long, in spite of everything bringing me closer, and the entire world falling away multiple times to leave me alone, with my thoughts, my breath, the silence...

The Union would become ever more fantastic.

All I know is that prayers are answered when God will them to be, and then nothing can stop you from being found.

All I was doing was adding professionals to my LinkedIn contacts so that I have contacts, like real world people do, and one of them was my cousin. And then, out of nowhere, a prayer I had asked God a long, long, long time ago, perhaps two years ago, suddenly transpires.

And even now, I saw myself resisting and feeling angry, and the ego kicking up. As I type this, my right hip is giving out sharp inches and pains. That usually means a deep energetic cord is releasing.

I remember how three weeks before my first proper healing course, which happened to be Energetic NLP, I was in complete agony over this same right hip pain. Masculine programming.

There are always things to be grateful for.

Even when you've lost everything and still cannot fathom or manage a balance between the earthly plane and your spiritual growth, there is an assurance that you still are okay as a person.

It just is as it is... the cycles are in seismic shifts and one day is entirely differnet from the next.

Although peace permeates being, and space invades my head, there is still a stress in the bak of my mind that niggles and remains.

And, as someone would advise, just acknowledge that you don't know how to move beyond it, and give it to God.

The God that is fickle. He is a representation of me, no more and no less.

- Sukaina Juma
27/06/2016

Guru: Part 1

I don't think this is random that whilst I am looking to start a new healing modality, this page pops up instead before I make yet another mistake.

I really ought to question EVERY single healing modality out there now. Although it seems to have helped me massively, I can't be too sure what the actual channel is, since someone else began sending healing to me on Tuesday/Wednesday (without my being consciously aware of it at all! The universe is truly mysterious and bizarre.).

I have been seeking something that seems missing in all I have done previously and people who would complement me in my journey, and somehow don't seem to be satisfied. It is for the most part, the obstacles that keep me from my own higher self, I am aware. So sometimes it feel that even the crystals aren't working, which isn't the case at all.

I pray that the confusion lifts and those who are genuinely able to guide and help and help me to start healing again, come forward.

Someone told me they were willing for me to become their disciple a few days ago. I was like, nah. Been there, done that, didn't get a chakra clearing stick or t shirt, neither :p

May we all be able to step into our spiritual power. Especially now the entire UK will change considerable, we need to be strong within to withstand everything that is to transpire. And to create a different reality from that the collective is putting focus on.

Your soul is the most important thing, it is YOU.

Do not treat it lightly and follow someone else promising salvation.

Question EVERYONE and EVERYTHING multiple times, as people shift like the sands in Ibiza. Ethical and authentic one day, and gone off the rails the next.

We've all done it in varying capacities as humans, so why would any human be any different? Power is power, very attractive.

Even I admit it.... there is a real temptation in acquiring high and profound levels of spiritual power. Maybe that is why I still have blocked my abilities. Not wishing to even know what they are, yet alone activate them. I am aware of the chaos that ensues, and we are observing it today.

Instead of peace, we find and create chaos. For kicks.

And then the disciples get distracted from their individual spiritual path and become dependent. Or wax poetic about someone and a system they ought to be critiquing and questioning.

We all can do all of it by ourselves. That will always be a truth. If the person has found their path and way to connect, then you definitely can as well. it will be uniquely yours, but you have to put in some effort.

And if you're in the wrong room, thank God that you are now aware of it and not blaming yourself for any inadequacies, but that perhaps it's the room that's a bit askew now.

Also, I realised that I don't need to connect with guides and angels. I've been doing it all wrong (for me). Connection was always, always DIRECTY to God. No middle persons or entities allowed.
See, I always knew that and yet I forgot it along the meandering path to nowhere.

https://thetahealingfraud.wordpress.com/npd-narcissistic-personality-disorder/

- Sukaina Juma, 26/06/2016

A Cosmic Love Letter

I had to listen to this twice to actually comprehend that someone who is teaching spiritual truths actually went so far to tell us how much we are loved and deserve to be here.

With such authority.

Of course, I'm feeling a lot better than I have for a month or so. So it sinks in much deeper.




My skin is vibrating, my heart is feeling relief. My soul feels immense relief.

I will allow you to just take this in and absorb it. My words are failing me currently.

We begin again...

When everything leaves
when everyone leaves:

is it then you realise the energy
you invested in another
was better invested in yourself?

And you drag yourself up
to make another cup of tea
that you will forget yet again on the counter
and drink in the lukewarm contents
hours after you first brewed it

Whilst your soul brothers and sisters
Let go of all worldly pleasures for the day
To focus upon their Lord

And yet your adrenals won't allow you this.

The major solstice has passed me by yet another year.

The body was a wreck
The friends left, one by one

And I am here,
With my thoughts

It is best
To pull myself out of these thoughts
And act

Any energy invested back in me
Is energy invested back in me

When this soul learns that no one really needs her
Yet she still must help without any signature
And perfecting the fine art of balance
Of being there for herself
And being kind to another

She will have learned yet another thing

Only for someone who is wiser than her
To smash that reality

bringing her back
to her original state

of utter mess

and

c
  o

   n
     f
       u
          s
              i
                 o
                       n



Let go of the self importance
Come back to yourself

There is no delineation
Between the truth and the fiction
All this while you sought in others

And all this while the others were as confused,
and as grasping and as disingenuous as you yourself

The pain is real and needed
The missed opportunities allow you the acceptance of youself
That no other will ever give you

But do not harden your heart again, little one.
Open it up more

And then God will speak t you through it somehow.

There are too many words flying around the earth these days

We command silence for fifteen days, to reset your balance
To cleans all the old unfinished business

You are correct.

you weren't sent here to agonise about the demarcations between
a twin flame,
a twin soul,
a soul mate....

not to go through clearing after clearing of the same man
whose brown eyes sear into your soul

Do you barter your worth for all of this
fluff?

You gave yourself away,
prostituted your soul
to father, mother
sister, brother,
lover,
the animals,
the politicians,
whose words and rhetoric grate
against your ears

You also gave it all away to your
gurus

And that was the deepest of pains,
The most knowledgeable of all learnings
 Is to realise the truth of Ali
when he said that to feel both superior
and inferior is harmful for the soul.

When one feels inferior,
they cannot create.
People use them,
the ones who see their value.
And you also ended up using others
as you have in other
existences.

And all of it collapses upon itself.

We begin again.

Yes.

- Sukaina Juma
22/06//2016