it still hurts like anything...

All of this is making me choose differently than before.

It still hurts like anything, but I don't let it stick for as long. I can't. Life is way too short for all the bs to remain in our auric fields. Clear and cleanse it out. The people who are our closest blood family, are clear tests and are only blood family in this lifetime. We have incarnated so many times with different souls, that to remain attached to the opinion or behaviours of those just in this lifetime can seem a little silly sometimes.


Koi baat nahi...
Let it go...

And maybe we will find peace and wholeness within.


It's never personal. The Universe can be as impersonal as anything, whilst also claiming to love us more than 70 mothers. A cheeky question would be: what is the caliber of those mothers? Were we the unwanted children? The unwanted females or males? The one with special needs?


And there are those who have submitted themselves so much to their purity of soul, to the divineness of God, that the healing flows through their veins and they just tell me, you will feel better in 30 minutes. And I didn't even ask you for help, yet you give it to me so willingly, it makes me weep with this peculiar feeling of love, intimacy, gratitude and awe.


Your eyes are so familiar to me, as is your soul. Yet, why do i still not mimic your generosity, your power, your strength?


I still sit here, on the trampled earth, fumbling about with broken earthen toys, discarded and abused.
The angels hold up such pure crystals of such healing and power, yet I still do not see them.
Undoubtedly, this is a confusing time. All of the times have been confusing.


Your life. Your beingness. Your friends. All are different than before.


When you are no longer liked, it doesn't mean you are no longer worthy. It just means that, things changed.


Sometimes the mirror is accurate, sometimes the mirror is not accurate and with that is God's whisper to trust yourself and know that even when others only see your darkness, you can focus on the light.
We go through a lot to prove ourselves to be who we think we are. People call us up on things and then do exactly the same thing 6 months later.

And , we do it too...


That purity that I crave
Is a rarity that I desire
Is a cavity I seek to fill
Is a sadness that engulfs and overtakes
Is a confusion that cripples
Is a life that is eager to end itself
And start anew
Simple and clear
Without any mistakes
That became chains upon my neck
And lead inside my heart


Blessed are those who Love because they Love and know that existence was based upon Love.
Blessed are those going through the Darkness and the fatigue and the flu and the entire demolition of the ego constructs.
Old souls also need it. Because they forget as well as us younger souls.
We all are love and we all are doing the best we can each day.


Each day is different.


The knots in the stomach will go. They cannot stay. The doubts will go, the fear will evaporate. The people you feared would go, have left again.

You are alone.

What do you do now? Where do you create from nothing?

I listened to a song after a very long time today. It is a magical song. Kun fayakun. Be, and it is.




I have lost all the good bits about myself, along with the nasty bits. Some of the nasty bits are still there.

But the joyous girl who sticks her tongue out impishly has disappeared. It is alright. But the sceptre that took her place is heavy.

May the light fall upon you all the time, even when you don't notice it. May you bring your light out of you and create more light as a result. May your helpers find you swiftly. May you see from the lens of the other when in communion with them. May you finish all of your tasks with excellence. May you travel to where your soul finds healing and love and support and joy. may you live there, as well.

May this life business become easier. Make more sense. For us all.

before I lose myself almost entirely... again

Abundance is seeking the beggars and the poor,
just as beauty seeks a mirror.
Beggars, then, are the mirrors of God's abundance,
and they that are with God are
united with Absolute Abundance.
Mathnawi 1, 2745 - 2750

Someone says "I can't help feeding my family.
I have to work so hard to earn a living.
He can do without God, but not without food;
he can do without Religion,
but not without idols.
Where is one who will say,
"If I eat bread without the awareness of God,
I will choke."

Mathnawi 2, 3071-79

Tentacles over the heart

3 January 2013 · 

"Things will get better tomorrow. They always do..."

I'm taking you on your word, buddy. More importantly, I will have completely let go of the self sabotage, patterns and stories tonight. I cannot afford to have 2010 regurgitating into 2013.

If I've changed, why do I continue to do the things that don't work?

Answer: FEAR.


****

Trinity Esoterics

9 hrs · 

Dear Ones, there are multiple timelines that hold a multitude of experiences that you can access at any given time. If you have a deep longing or yearning for an experience, there is always a corresponding timeline that holds that experience. The fact that you have a desire lets you know that the potential exists.

You shift onto timelines through your focus, intention, surrender, and flow. This is why you cannot create what you want through negative focus or fear. Your energetic engagement with what was unwanted would keep you firmly planted on the timeline that holds that energy.

Your soul knows exactly how to move onto the timeline that will lead you into what you intend to experience. Your intention is like setting your internal GPS and your surrender and flow with faith and trust allows your energy to move into the energetic stream that takes you to your next greatest experience. It is that simple.

The beauty of all of this is that it is all available to you, you simply need to choose. And if you choose something that it turns out you do not care for, you can choose again, endlessly moving and flowing into the matches that best reflect your preferences and your next highest expression of self. It all exists for you if you can simply decide to allow your heart to lead the way into the realm of endless potential. ~Archangel Gabriel through Shelley Young

****

3 January 2018

He has been in my memory off and on for the last month. In the depths of my despair, when I can't sleep at night due to fear and a big empty hole in my heart, I call his higher self to have mercy on me and fill my heart with the love I know is there for me.

I was tidying up and came across an old journal from 2010 that I really ought to burn up. I had written about the time he had fallen for another girl - she was yet another woman, not the woman who was his girlfriend at the time - but his mum wouldn't let him marry her. That really hurt him and he felt the same as I felt that he didn't want to be with me. He talked about tentacles upon his heart and that  he would never forget that pain.

I read that and I swear, all that most ugly pain and death like heaviness that I had felt between 2010 - 2016 came back all in one go in that moment. I felt I was going to DIE a painful death. I cried a huge amount after that. A friend told me it's not about him, it's another core issue about rejection and abandonment and that all stems from childhood as well as other experiences I am sure.

After all this time, my parents both behave as though I am not really their daughter. They just do not have the capacity to show me the love they don't feel for themselves and never got.

He just reminds me of how many times I have failed in human relationships and in missing the simplicity of having a sincere friend.

This single mattress of mine feels very, very empty these days.

I don't want him back, I want someone who appreciates me and truly loves me and has basic respect for people. Just for the sake of their being people. For that man would be better than I am. He would not judge others harshly.

But I don't allow myself to be with anyone. The hurts are too deep, the self judgements are there. I am not proud of what my current life looks like. I have gained an immense amount of weight especially over the last 5 years. Replacing my nonexistent sex life with food, replacing lack of love with food. Sugar. Chocolate. Anything, really.

When I went on the underground last Saturday to attend my cousin's wedding, there was a beautiful bearded Muslim guy on the Met line. Arab or Pakistani or something, fair skin. But that day was really bad for me since my week at work had been so rubbish. I was just making sure I could feel my toes and focusing on being in my body. I didn't have time for anybody, although I was attracted to him.

I can sometimes tell when someone is interested in me sexually. There is a special heat that begins to emanate from them into my field. If they are staring at me, it makes me feel uncomfortable and then I don't wish to engage. I mean, I don't know if I am prejudging everyone or if my intuition is becoming very refined, but I know none of them are Sufi and awakened to the level that would be right for me.

You can't pick people up on public transportation. That's not the Sufi way! That's not a gentile way either.

Now my health is revolting, and so is my body.

I feel small and ashamed at being so overweight, as I know how long it takes to slim down, and that too only when you exercise regularly and have a happy balance.

Along with the EFT and hypnosis, I will have to begin fasting to cut on the calories I take in.
I still haven't done it, fasting is very difficult for me to do. Even when it's "khuda ke liye".

I finished watching one of Mahira Kahn's Pakistani films Mann Ho Jaahaan. I wonder had I somehow remained her friend, would her higher frequency rub off on me. Probably not. She's becoming a really good actress now. And the fact she made her Shahrukh Khan fantasy happen, with a  really GOOD movie as well, just shows how much of her power is within her field.

I wonder what is this twin flame torture.

At the minute, we both don't want to have anything to do with the other.

And yet, today, and yesterday when I look out the window, tired at the fact I'm in a dead-end job, pushing paper and data rather than dancing or creating something that would expand my intellect and my soul, I think of him as a means to distract me, as a means to comfort me.

I see his dark brown eyes.

I hear his voice.

I read an article about how the twin flame's higher self can help you to find a suitable life partner who would be similar to the twin, but NOT the twin if it wasn't meant to be.

So, guess what I did? I asked and I ask his higher self to help me out help me clear the blocks to meeting a kind soulmate who could stand to be with me. He would have to be stronger than even my spiritual cousin, who isn't strong enough to handle my energy and my personality. Or willing. You can be strong enough, but have no desire to. I always forget that aspect.

Anyway, I'm going through the darkness of the souls again. There's so much darkness, it leaks out like oil upon the ocean. Killing all sea life.

It's due to not remembering how it is to be joyful. And being dead inside and heavy.

But the moment others remember their light, it will get easier for me.

Rather than my being the first person to shift the paradigm, I know that wasn't quite accurate. I allow others to do it, and I'll walk through their tracks, because it's easier that way.

And that's why I no longer have a twin flame. It wasn't the right role for me. I'm not that advanced.

I still need to learn how to be happy for others, how to make my life work.

I spent 8 days at home, weak and unable to do anything for myself except sleep and push myself to do laundry.

Powerful people do not do this. And those close to God definitely do not do this.

They also don't resent other people their happiness. And they don't continually give others their power, which I do with a regularity that truly frightens me because it exposes my weaknesses and frailties.

They do help people in other countries, such as Iraq, Syria, Turkey.

So, there is a lot to reflect upon.

Sending solstice blessings | Curated post

We join together on December 21 to celebrate the solstice.

I have been receiving so many communications from people all over the world. We all knew the planet was going through a huge initiation. And initiations are designed to be perilous to wear down the ego, mind, and body so that we awaken our inner spiritual fire that already knows how to create the necessary changes for all of life to survive. But what so many spiritual practitioners are realizing is that no matter how much spiritual work we are all doing we will be riding turbulent waves and going through the initiation together.

In my January 2018 Transmutation News on www.sandraingerman.com I wrote (not yet posted) about the issue of many of us in the spiritual community wanting to see a “win” on moving through the current challenges we all face everywhere in the world. The true nature of initiations is more like preparing a slow cooked meal.

We cannot use the power of our mind or physical body to muscle through to the next evolution of consciousness.

Depending on where you live you are flowing into winter or summer. And nature is such a great teacher about how to flow with change. For everything in nature is in constant movement. Storms, seasons, lunar cycles, and growth impact our life on a daily basis. And once we connect with nature’s flow we connect with our own internal flow and walk moving gracefully with the flow of life.
This solstice spend time in nature, and see if you can awaken your own inner flow. Spending time in nature is so healing to you and all of life as you feed the web of life with your dreams, love, and light.
You can drum, rattle, chant, and dance. But most of all be present to the gift that nature brings to you every minute of your waking life.

Feel the sun shining on your face. If the sun is not out and shining brightly imagine the warmth of the sun bringing a glow to your face. Share your gratitude with the living being we call Sun. Reach down and feel the texture of the earth you are standing on. Stand for awhile on the earth swaying or gently rocking back and forth as you find your inner flow connecting with earth where you live. Give thanks for all Earth provides for you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Bless the wind as it caresses you. Thank Air for bringing you life and being an ongoing companion with each breath in and out. If you can visit a body of water please do so. If not work with water in your home. Radiate your inner light to any water you can be with. You can radiate light focusing on a bowl of water and then feed it to a local body of water or to the earth. Planet Earth is a water planet, and you are a being of water too. Water flows within and without effortlessly always in the flow of movement of returning to Source – the great sea. You would not be alive without water. Please give Water your heartfelt thanks.
As you do this notice how your body connects to the change in season. The change impacts our inner and outer world.

We will all continue to experience the dissolving of so many layers of old unhealthy patterns and ways of behaving in the world. But you will always be able to trust your inner spirit to hold you and propel into a new and healthy state.

The key is to keep diving deeper into your own inherent strength. As you continue your ceremonial work and your spiritual practices you will notice organic changes over time. The organic next stage of our process will happen over time. We must be willing to understand what we planted in our inner and outer garden that have come to fruition. It is time for us to return to our destiny of being great gardeners within and without on this great Earth. Take the time to examine your inner garden and explore what you seeds you need plant to nurture and love yourself. And then explore what seeds you need to plant to nurture all of life and the Earth. Watching gardens grow through both storms and beautiful weather is inspiring. Gardens grow organically.

The only changes we will see in our inner and outer world are due to the seeds that you plant and nurture. And all gardeners know that growth happens in an organic process in the right time for the plant to germinate and blossom into great beauty.

Whether you are in entering into winter or summer there are always ways to nurture your inner garden. Disconnect from the toxic energies being spewed into the collective. Listen to some soothing music and travel within. That is where you will find peace, rich soil to plant in, and the fire of spirit will light your way. This is such an important practice for all of us to do right now. For spirit will guide us if you let it lead. But most of us are trying to think our ways out of the challenges we are facing. And for tens of thousands of years those who have come before us have taught that by awakening your inner fire you can walk through any challenge.

May you find inner peace by resting in your spirit as we welcome in the solstice. And may we greet each day with curiosity and wonder of all the beauty we can plant into our collective while what no longer serves us dissolves away just like waves dissolve away all the old images, feelings, debris left in the sand. Nothing is permanent. Remember that. Trust yourself. Your spirit knows. Go deeper and you will find all you are searching for lies within.

Sending solstice blessings!
  
Sandra Ingerman

a spiritual journey has nothing to do with living a triggered-free existence

 

"When it’s not against the rules to be hurt, heartbroken, or irritated by the unconsciousness of others, you’ll be surprised to notice how less often unconsciousness triggers you. As long as your goal is to not be triggered, you are unknowingly moving away from your true nature of innocent vulnerability. When this occurs, you are bound to discover more tumultuous circumstances to blame for the reactions that no one was ever born to control. No matter how desperately you attempt to control your experience, you are bound to recognize the fact that a spiritual journey has nothing to do with living a triggered-free existence. Instead, it is an inward journey home that is fueled by how willing you are to recognize each precious reaction, as an opportunity to love in yourself what is being transformed throughout the hearts of all." 
- Matt Kahn

You become more focused on your own individual paths | curated post

 

 

Dear Ones, as you continue along your enlightenment journey and understand that the process is about stepping into your authentic power and coming home to your own divine mastery, the way you help people will change.

Rather than repeatedly rescuing others, or telling them what to do, you will begin encouraging others to step into their own power and mastery by connecting with their own truth and wisdom. You will honour their decisions and choices as completely capable souls that are experts on their own path. You will know when to step forward to help if they ask for assistance and need an extra hand, but as soon as they can find their own balance you will release them to their own capable care. You will encourage them to make decisions based on what feels right and empowered for them.

This will profoundly shift the way you interact with others, as well as how you parent, teach, and inspire others. This will help create healthier connection because you will be a safe person to connect with due to your unconditional love, encouragement, and acceptance. This will support healthier boundaries and growth for all. Because you are no longer interfering or enabling, resentments will heal. What is accepted as love will shift into much healthier expressions of caring and support.

As you start to recognize each other as sovereign beings, regardless of how you may be expressing yourselves at any given time, you start to feel freer to express yourselves and move beyond judgment. You become more focused on your own individual paths, and yet are completely willing to step forward in loving service if it is required in times of crisis. You embrace the flow and intuitively step forward or back in whatever ways are for everyone’s highest good. This is the embodiment of becoming guides on earth.

~Archangel Gabriel through Shelley Young

Trinity Esoterics

11 hrs ·

everyone is a master in their own right | curated post

Trinity Esoterics

7 hrs · 

 

Some people claim solitude is what is necessary to move fully forward into their truth and authenticity. Others claim that connection is what the goal is. We would say depending on what your individual needs are at any given point on your spiritual path, both are true.

Many people, when they first start their awakening process, feel a deep need to withdraw. This allows them the time to connect within, align with Source, and to create a safe space for healing and transformation to occur. Many people well on their spiritual journey frequently need to move into solitude to recharge their batteries, to integrate energies, and to nurture whatever their specific needs are at that time. A great many empaths withdraw to learn how to gain mastery with energetics so that connection without discomfort can become possible.

For many, once a period of solitude, growth, and healing has occurred, there is an urge to step back out into the world and into relationship with others that is deeper and more profound than ever before. They have come to a place of acceptance and unconditional love from their sabbatical and wish to start to practice that with others. They are ready to take connection to the next level. And many will find a combination of solitude and connection that works for them to create balance in their lives.

Dear Ones, there is no right or wrong when it comes to your spiritual path based on some specific model that must be followed. There is a natural ebb and flow that occurs, all designed to meet your individual soul’s needs. You are the expert on your own unique path. Listen to what your soul is yearning for. Don’t make yourself wrong based on what works for others, or what others say you should be doing. If it doesn’t feel right for you, it’s not what you need in that right now moment.

Allow yourself to be the expert on you and know that if you are feeling drawn to something it is because it is exactly what you require. Acceptance and respect for yourself and for others, regardless of what phase they may be in, and acknowledging the fact that
everyone is a master in their own right, is an important aspect of the new energies, and essential to the pioneering and self expression you are all moving into. Let your heart and your inner wisdom lead the way because it’s all love.

~Archangel Gabriel through Shelley Young

the threshold of your own mind

“No man can reveal to you aught but that which already lies half asleep in the dawning of your knowledge.
The teacher who walks in the shadow of the temple, among his followers, gives not of his wisdom but rather of his faith and his lovingness.
If he is indeed wise he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind.”
― Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

such stripping away of all that you knew

Do not feel you are a victim of all the energetic change occurring. Oh no. Remember you chose this and we say this to you with affection for we understand how difficult it can be to remember that. It can be very difficult as a human to experience such pain, such heartbreak, such stripping away of all that you knew. It can be difficult to maintain your understanding of the truth of what is going on. But choose to remember. Remembering makes everything easier, makes everything faster.

You’re all very powerful intuitively, but you are all also afraid of the level of intuitive power you have. It is not surprising for allowing that level of intuition into your lives will cause energetic shifts in your body. It will cause you to feel different. It will cause you to see the world differently, but that is wonderful. It will make you more whole.

~~Zachary through Lee Harris, from Personal Power

everyone can shift their consciousness in an instant

"Remember that anyone and everyone can shift their consciousness in an instant. Think back to how you used to perceive the world/your reality, stuck in the victim perpetrator mindset, and let yourself remember your own evolution. For some of you it was gradual, for some of you it was instantaneous. For all of you the physical actualization of your shift is an ongoing process that currently seems to be playing out along a linear format of time. It's not really linear, of course, but it seems that way." 

The Pleiadians #operatefromjoy

Nora Herold

I know that you are tired, my love

I know that you are tired, my love…..and sometimes you may become disheartened with your Earth Plane existence. Please remember that you are never alone. The Universe has an almost imperceptible way of moving that will bring about the perfect changes at the perfect time. It may be challenging for you to understand and even more so to accept, but know that you are always lovingly cradled in My Arms and that all will be well.
~ Creator / ThetaHealing by Jennifer Farley