So, it has happened that three years down the line, after removing myself physically from a damaging cult that made itself look benign, and even created it's own web hyperlink called wwe, I was still very much under the curse and contracts of that person.
I can't say anything further (forbidden words and thoughts) without risking being sued for libel. All the experiences are spiritual and energetic, and cannot be proved.
But the people who have helped me, I trust their information.
And this is why we MUST end all our damaging contracts that we made to ourselves.
The contracts are made at different points:
1) at birth
2) at conception or before conception
3) in between lives
4) past lives
5) present lives, at a younger or older age
6) fall from grace
7) at the time the world was created
and many other points, since time is not linear.
What kind of life damaging vows do we make to ourselves?
I have a theory that as souls, we aren't hat intelligent about life on Earth. And if we don't learn from the foolishness of previous lives, we perpetuate the same suffering in the current and future lives.
Certain vows I still have in place:
1) I am strong enough to handle all the suffering and pain without any help (I am not)
2) I am strong to not have friends (real ones)
3) I will not have a romantic partner, and will constantly pine after people who don't care about me
4) I am codependent
5) Blocks to positive living, money, prosperity, career, aspirations
6) I will be abused by clueless people
7) I will be trapped and have to live in a place that is harmful to me (London)
8) I will delay my healing and not see
There are many others.
It is a huge, shocking revelation to really see my darkness, the complicated ways I have ensured myself a miserable experience. I allowed others to do the same, by giving away my power of discernment, to think... the codependency cords were too strong.
It began from my parents, and then friends, and then more friends, and then a false guru who pretended to be a genuine person and cared about my well being.
Even now, I find myself meeting people who are not right for me. Something in me does not notice the red flags or the inconsistencies. My empathy overrides all logic and understanding.
The younger versions in need of a safe environment and sane, awake people seem to project this onto people based on religion (I am of Muslim upbringing), ethnicity (Pakistanis - not the best thing to do - knowing Urdu doesn't make for a pure soul), mothering energy (nopes, this has proven to be very conditional - people already made their families and became mothers to give that love to their own offspring, not to me), fathering energy (same thing), brother, sister, grandmother (same thing), nationality (I have very few real friends who are living in London - something about London specifically - the western way).
Yesterday was a bad day for me. The loneliness was eating me up inside.
Why do I repel people and invite constant disappointments and betrayals?
And the answer came: subconsciously, I never have fully changed the belief that I am worthless, not deserving of the good things in life. Not deserving of love, loyalty, affection, real genuine love... not worth of receiving without the automatic reaction to give back straight away.
And this is why I have met the people I have met, and have made incorrect decisions.
This is why for 10 years, the NHS and all the GPs at the surgery I go to in Wimbledon have not cared for me and ensured I suffered and didn't get a disability care plan and the appropriate benefits. I felt like I was a scrounger.
Unfortunately, the power of David Cameron's toxic words became like a curse in my mind. Be very aware of the NLP techniques the Conservative Party representatives use to enure the population remains disempowered, starving, suffering, dying, homeless, whatever.
It hooks into our low self-esteem.
****
So I spent a good two hours (I wasn't able to concentrate) on Divine Healing Level 1, surfacing the limiting beliefs and key psychological conflicts.
I can reach my highest potential / I cannot reach my highest potential.
And this is another reason for the despair. Subconsciously, because I feel like an utter failure, I had this conflict.
And this is EXACTLY the reason why this year, in the NOW, we MUST end all damaging contracts we made to ourselves and others.
They are utter lies and they are harming us more each day we keep them under wraps, not even knowing we have them.
A lot of them are inherited in the womb, when we were being formed inside, as well.
A lot of the New Age stuff is suspect only because people found another thing to make into a commodity. Most of these people leave a sick feeling in my stomach. Now I know WHY.
Healing and connection to God and self should NEVER be a commodity.
I was paying £300 a month to this cult leader. She made each of us sign a legal contract, and persuaded us with gentle cooing words, and Tony Robbins style of making you feel like a fool for not doing so.
And she will never give it back to me.
And this is someone I loaned £1,000 for her house rent in the beginning. Only because I was too depressed to take a Divine Healing Course then which would probably have changed the entire trajectory of my life.
There was one weekend event, and I and two other participants vomited the entire day as a result of the dark energies that were being used in January 2016. I didn't call an ambulance, not a single person working for her called for ambulance, and she didn't allow me to call for one afterwards, she pretended it was "father healing". Oh, had I the aqal to know what was really going on.
Psychopathic and sociopathic behaviour comes with immense charm. Please, remember this.
But it is what it is.
For someone who was earning £800 a month, I have NO IDEA HOW I assumed that £300 a month was justified.
I'm slowly trying to reconcile and say that I paid for the house keeper she kept, so that innocent soul could pay her rent or electric bills.
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I know you don't know me, and I have no medical or mental health qualifications.
The only thing I have is lived experience.
And, right now,that's all I have going for me.
I'm still alive. And one day, I will be formalising all of this to help others in a VERY real way.
____
Divine Creator,
We align fully with our higher selves and our inner wisdom.
We ask for deep, profound healing for (enter your name) with Grace and Power in the perfect time of NOW (and you can also add a specific date for 5 or 10 years earlier).
Show each of us exactly the correct and aligned healing pathway to clear all the lies, subconscious beliefs, programming, and blocks that no longer serve me/us.
Remove from us the pattern of being entirely financially and legally dependent on a corrupt governments.
Bring to light this year all the people who are deceiving traumatised humans by making spirituality a business for exploiting people and their money. It no longer serves any of us to remain in denial, blind to the realities, including that of viruses, fluoride, vaccines, pharmaceuticals, GMO foods, chem trails, child trafficking, and everything else on this immensely INSANE planet.
Make us aware of the implants in our brains, and the brainwashing. What the sheeple effect is.
Move us physically to the places which will truly serve the highest forms of healing.
Grant us genuine, loving, sane friends.
Grant us Grace after so much chaos.
Uncreate all the contracts, destroy them and replace with Light.
Ameen.
