Boomeranger

I am reading at least ten books at the same time right now. They all complement each other and I can cross reference them, which is great. This way of studying expands my awareness and knowledge exponentially. Now, if only I'd remember to renew the library books on time!

I'm quoting from The Bounce Back Book by Karen Salmansohn, which I picked up from a charity shop yesterday. (It resonated with me, obviously!)
 

tip#51  Anger is a boomerang

In fact, anger is so much of a boomerang, we could rename it "boomeranger."

During challenging times, it's easy to rage against the world - and specific people in it. But you can be sure that the anger you send out will come back at you and make you feel even worse.

Anger is a powerful emotion that manifests itself in lots of sneaky ways.

When I spoke about my sexual assault, many of my friends would say, "Come on, Karen! You must be so pissed off at that guy." But as far as I could tell, I wasn't. I truly didn't feel the sensation of anger within me. I just felt very sad and very hungry. As I keep mentioning, I had this never-ending urge to eat chocolate.

Turns out I wasn't hungry. I was furious! According to many psychologists I've spoken with since, my urge to devour chocolate was my way of acting out my anger - raging at myself and my thighs - instead of at my assaulter and his kneecaps.

According to Dr. Sandra Thomas, psychologist and editor of Women and Anger, because so many women are uncomfortable expressing anger outwardly, they often turn it inward, transferring their rage into substance abuse.

Whether a woman is abusing drugs or chocolate, she tend to fall into an unfortunate downward spiraling of self-esteem because she's not only angry about her ordeal but upset about her addiction.

Talk about a raw deal. But it's not like men have it any easier.

For many men, powerful emotions that make them feel vulnerable, like heartbreak or failure, often manifest themselves as rage. Remember when I said that anger is sneaky? That's because it tricks you into feeling empowered. Rage feels strong. Grief, loss, and failure feel weak.

I was surprised by how many of my male friends actually offered to perform violent acts against my assaulter. I'm still not sure how serious they were, but it was clear these guys were offering up their "projected anger" as a way to express empathy.

The bottom line is that, male and female, we all struggle with ways to deal with our anger. As Dr. Thomas reminds us, "Anger is like a squeezed balloon. If it does not come out in one way, it will in another."

Psychologists at the University of Wisconsin have come to believe that anger is the number-one trigger for substance abuse. They've developed a method called "forgiveness therapy" that helps patients find ways to release the rage that is at the root of their substance abuse. And it seems to be working.

In one study, 14 patients with drug and alcohol dependence were randomly assigned either a twice-weekly forgiveness therapy session or routine drug/alcohol therapy treatment. Guess what? The participants in forgiveness therapy showed significantly more improvement than those who only did routine drug/alcohol therapy.

Bottom line: When you are feeling angry after a trauma or loss, it is essential that you get in touch with your anger and express it appropriately. Only then will you find forgiveness and closure.

Bounce Back Assignment: 

Release your rage in healthy ways: Punch a sofa cushion; scream into a pillow; rip a newspaper to shreds; run in place; throw a safe breakable object; stomp your feet. Do whatever it takes to get the anger out of your system (at least for a bit).

Now, take a deep breath and try this forgiveness therapy exercise developed by anger expert and psychologist Everett Worthington. With a little work (and a lot of courage), you may find a more permanent release for your anger:

A. Recall the hurt.


B. Empathize and try to understand the act from the perpetrator's perspective.


C. Be altruistic by recalling a time you were forgiven.


D. Put your forgiveness into words - in a letter to be sent or never sent.


E. Don't dwell.

~~~
~~~


It's a very concisely written, yet it encapsulates the best parts of acknowledging your anger and working through the emotion in a mature way.

I am a carb-loader and chocoholic in times of unmanageable stress. I'm only glad that I have developed such a high level of caffeine sensitivity that I no longer drink six strong mugs of tea as I used to during my university years.

Caffeine addiction appears to be a safer alternative to nicotine, cannabis or beer, but the bottom line is that it's just a substitute drug. The underlying reasons for why you are addicted still need to be addressed. Note this please, coffee, kahva and chai addicts everywhere!

My way of dealing with rage... ahem, I think I'd better tell you what my Ideal Self's way of dealing with rage is, instead!

• Running, yoga, dance and household chores - any physical exertion releases the tension and distracts the mind from the broken record playing in the mind
• Deep breathing, mindfulness and meditation
• Sending metta to the person I am angry with
• Communing with nature ~ the chi of the trees and animals soothes me greatly, balances out the heavy energies
• Laughing my butt off

Okay, I'll admit it: I do smash dishes and glasses from time to time. I must recommend you only do it with the ugliest crockery, smash something that is easily replaceable, in a secure place and preferably when you're alone (and the neighbours are out!)

It is HIGHLY cathartic...and possibly more more productive than yelling like a crazy person at the object of your ire or repressing and denying it until you develop a sore throat, high blood pressure, searing pains in your neck and TMJ syndrome (it's recurrent and quite devastating, trust me!)

It's boomer-anger, remember? The negativity multiplies and you find yourself in a cesspool that is quite difficult to get yourself out of.

The good news is that one you start empathising with the person you are angry with, compassion for yourself and for him/her begins to ripple to your awareness. With practice, the compassion becomes stronger and the rage slowly subsides to acceptance.

Note, I said slowly. And it's not an easy curve, it's up and down and all around :) They call it growth, apparently.

It also helps to recognise that the person is teaching you a lesson in patience, unconditional love or positive regard and compassion.

I shall end with an affirmation.

~~~

There is no blame. 

I release the need to blame anyone, including myself. 

We are all doing the best we can with the understanding, knowledge, and awareness we have. 

Meditating on meditation

The irony of sharing your knowledge with others is that you only come across as credible if you show others through your conduct, instead of just telling them what to do and not actually practicing it yourself.

So, this is how things currently stand between me and meditation.

I know how to do it.
I know I enjoy it once I've begun.
I know I'll benefit spiritually, emotionally and intellectually from regular practice.
I know there are a bazillion ways of meditating, so one is spoilt for choice.

And yet... I avoid it like the plague.

The little chatterbox within i.e. the mind is currently so convincing, I feel as though I physically can NOT slow down the thoughts. That if I do, I will cease to exist. The world will come crashing down.

Wrong. That's the ego, fighting for dear life. The ego gets gently nudged aside when one meditates. The ego doesn't want that.

At this moment in time, everything I've been reading and speaking about or aiming for has the prerequisite of my maintaining a daily meditative practice. You'd think I'd get the hint! :p

I want to train in transpersonal counselling at the CCPD as soon as I put into effect positive changes in my personal, domestic and financial circumstances. One of the questions on the admission form is: Do you practise meditation and what form?

Mindfulness and meditation seem to be quite effective for people recovering from mental health issues. The Mental Health Foundation is investing a lot of time and research into this area. I wholeheartedly agree that it's helped me immensely in the past two years as I've slowly overcome my own personal challenges.

I've been avoiding the yoga, as well. According to Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn, yoga is meditation in itself, and not 'just' the preliminary stretching exercises a yogini performs before sitting down in the lotus position and Ohmmmmmmming. Well, this little yogini hasn't done proper yoga for at least a month and a half.

For inspiration and creativity to flow, I draw mandalas. Carl G Jung used them with the people he met as his clients in order for them to express the conflicts and desires which were difficult to communicate verbally. This is a liberating method to calm the mind. One focuses all of one's concentration on the intricate drawing and colouring of these orbs of peace, alchemy and union. I've been propelled to create beautiful images in order to gain catharsis for situations and emotions that have no other outlet. Last mandala drawn: 2nd Nov 2010

Even to post on here, it's always a good idea for me to centre myself and allow the words to flow through my fingers, rather than creating a linguistic muddle of half-baked ideas and philosophies. It's evident (to me, at least!) which of my blog posts are pure inspiration and which ones have been churned out under duress and don't really say anything.

I have phases whereby all of this mindfulness is easy and desirable, and I follow through and I reap many benefits from it. Sadly, this flow is interfered with when I allow events in the outer world to overwhelm and bog me down. My mind goes into overdrive, trying to figure out what to do and how to find resolution or extricate myself from unpleasant, painful states of being.

"Think, think, think! Find logic. Silence the gentle, steady inner guidance. That's namby-pamby. Only by analysing this to death, by going over the same thoughts 50 times a day, by rehashing the past and worrying about the future and avoiding the present shall I come to the Truth!!!" screams the monkey mind.

As Eckhart Tolle has mentioned in A New Earth, we've been conditioned to identify with Renée Descartes' saying  "I think, therefore I am". It's fancy, and sounds really impressive when quoted at dinner parties.

But the only truth in that saying is simply these two words: "I am..."

And the only way to get to that pure essence of being is by quieting the mind, smoothing over the turbulent waves of the lake in order to peer into the depths and comprehend the gold that lies deep below.

~~~

Okay, talk about synchronicity.

Mindfulness for Dummies: How can you help yourself de-stress today? 14 minutes ago


Spirituality: This is an important time to meditate and to listen to your inner voice for guidance, and if you need help, to ask for it. Both from your higher self and from others. (Temperance tarot card)

Spirituality: For most of us, patience can be a difficult spiritual lesson to grapple with. However when this card appears, it's a clear signal that stillness and patience are issues that you need to work on. Meditation is helpful now. If you can't sit still and meditate for twenty minutes, that's fine… start with thirty seconds. With stillness, very often, comes peace. Look for it. (8 of Wands tarot card)

~~~

I suppose I'd better give my mind some silent treatment right about now, before I implode.

God Bless and have a wonderful weekend!

Acknowledgement, Understanding, Forgiveness

Last week, I picked out three cards from the angel deck a friend had bought from the London Mind Body Spirit Festival, which they hold annually at the Royal Horticultural Society Halls in Victoria. This year, it will take place from 25th to 30th of May, 2011.
 
I had to chuckle, of course. Each of them was very pertinent to my current stage of personal awareness, spiritual development, currents situations and relationships with myself and with everyone I am connected with. Hit the nail on the head. Quite annoying, actually!

I trust that the wisdom rings true for you, too. It's always good to have a gentle reminder of the spiritual truths that we must adhere to whilst living out our profane (the opposite of 'sacred' in theological terms) physical reality.

I tend to choose to forget when in the midst of the throes of Ego. With practice, I intend to stop, silence the Ego's verbal diarrhoea, listen to the truth of the inner prophet and actively choose the gentler, kinder and more empowering way.

"Therefore do remind, surely reminding does profit."
Al-Quran, Suratul A'ala (The Most High)
Ch. 87, v. 9

~~~

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Look after yourself by acknowledging your desires and needs and taking steps to meet them. Examine and note your gifts, talents and achievements.

When you accept all aspects of yourself, you feel centred and confident. Then you can genuinely acknowledge others.

Become aware of and nurture the good qualities of the people in your life so that they feel relaxed and happy in your presence.

Angel wisdom reminds you to recognise who you truly are - an evolved spirit in a human body. When you acknowledge your spiritual dimensions, you will align with your true self and your spirit will soar.

Affirmation

I acknowledge who I truly am.

~~~

UNDERSTANDING

Your angel guidance is to examine yourself and your current situation in depth so that you have a clear awareness of the underlying reasons for your challenges and situations. Acquaint yourself with facts about situations and attitudes before you take decisions.

Self-awareness is a necessary foundation on which to build strong relationships, friendships and work.

Understanding your personality is a basis for understanding your spiritual self and your mission on Earth.

Ask your angel to help you.

Affirmation

I seek understanding of myself and my life.

~~~

FORGIVENESS 

(the biggest karmic lesson for me in this lifetime :p)

Angel wisdom reminds you that challenging people and situations are sent to you as your most important teachers. Without them, your soul would not grow.

Your guidance is to let go of the hurt, resentment and anger of the past.

When you forgive others and yourself, your karma is rubbed out of your soul records. You will enjoy love in your heart and lightness of spirit.

Ask the angels to help you dissolve your hurt, anger and guilt. They will take your burdens from you.

When you love unconditionally, there is nothing to forgive. Love is for giving, so open your heart and give love.

Affirmation

I forgive myself and others - I am free.

~~~