After 5 years of absolute Hell, I am able to write here again. Even if it is just ten lines, Allah swt, let them be my own words from my authentic core and light. The world needs Your revelation and light, through me as well.
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Looks like the Soul Retrieval I did last week for when I was 22 has been successful - she's come back, alhamdulillah... writing again with a fire in my belly and rage in my jaws.
I can't type all my thoughts on Instagram or Facebook any longer. Not even here, to be frank. It's owned by Google, I think.
The entire world has lost it's connection to Thee, Allah. Bring each of us back. I do not deserve to live in this shitty timeline.
I developed strong Covid symptoms after my 2 night plant ceremony in October 2024, and it was debilitating and wiped my memory clear for a good 3 weeks. Even having my first romantic partner didn't seem to help me to raise my frequency and have a better experience of life, mainly because he has less knowledge about nutrition and health and wellbeing than I do. Also, what can one do when you just speak to each other once a week?
So my relationship with A ended on 12/12/2024, as the mutaah contract expired on that date, and neither of wanted to renew it (I did at the end, my heart was burning with pain - but he didn't as he said hehad no time for a relationship, and no capacity) so I am in a two month period of separation (Arabic term is iddah) to help me grieve, heal and raise my frequency so there's only love for him after I process all the difficult emotions and any negative karma I created. He decided to go no contact entirely, which is such an alien concept for me. I of course have had to honour his needs, but it's not helping that burning and pain in the heart. (I mean, I contacted him when I found out about my mother's heart attack, but the responses were to the point, texts, and even cold - from a stranger. Exactly why we aren't compatible - where do these men store all their trauma and patterns, honestly! Can they just not SEE?).
My first ever romantic relationship, just because he was a bit stronger and more spiritually advanced than the others. I can't look at it as a mistake, but as a transpersonal relationship and an experience that is 14 years overdue, blocked by so much dark magic and vapid entities. Oh boy!
I thought I was clear and he was clear, capable and on the same page as I am. Healing and spiritual work is literally a daily practice, and he's currently in his timeline of implanting more religious and worldly programming into his system, because he currently wants to be part of the London Shia community and help them, which by definition means remaining spiritually asleep.
Also, his communication was really good until it wasn't. And his ego was malleable and soft, until it wasn't. I can't be doing this at age 40, training my partner how to be a Divine masculine. It's never appreciated, and the minute I want to change something about him is the moment of realisation: he is not the one, it is time to part.
I know this pattern, having followed the same shitty pattern for 14 years so that I would belong amongst people who aren't meant to awaken. Just so I could belong to a community - one that has rejected any real light for centuries.
I also can't be sure how much of the conflict, miscommunication and pain he's causing me is due to the entities still stuck in my womb. They're still there, but finding a shaman who has the same character and etiquette I desire is the issue at the moment.
The shamans I went to have their own issues, it's crazy how little etiquette us wounded people have cultivated within us.
Palestine is being raped. Humiliated, demolished. Everyone is going nuts. Some stupid drone show in the US.
My mother had a heart attack yesterday on 16/12/2024 and I'm doing what I can from my side, but mainly ensuring I remain centred.
People worldwide are zombies, unless they aren't. The world has seen such spiritual warfare, that we all, including me, have been censored and followed by all these evil entities.
That's it, I'm tired now.
