Satisfaction, safety and pleasure are the conditions of adult relationships. If we don't do our part, the relationships will end. All relationships are co-created; they are based on a dynamic of mutuality and reciprocality. That doesn't mean 50/50. It means we play a central role in the negotiation and creation of the structures, conditions, and parameters that define satisfaction.
Adult relationships are fundamentally insecure, full of vulnerability and risk that will 100% always trigger old wounds, create new wounds, and ongoing challenge. The way we choose to cope, react, and manage these challenges will impact the conditions of our relationships.
This is the difference between the powerlessness of childhood and the powerfulness of adulthood.we don't have to accept and settle for the miseries many of us tolerated in our family. We actually get to be powerful and impact our adult relationships, receive more than we ever did, and choose alternative relationships if we're unhappy.
this power is why we must take responsibility for the role we play; if we want fulfilling relationships we have to interact in ways that will elicit the response we seek. That includes pursuing people that have the capacity to fulfill our needs and knowing when its time to shift gears, end, grieve, and seek new relationships.
We give up that power and hold ourselves hostage by blaming other people for our lack of satisfaction, unfulfilled need, or unhappiness. This is the parent-child power dynamic where we wait to receive. The waiting reflects the entitlement of childhood; we deserved to receive love without having to push for it. But when we reenact this entitlement in adulthood we make it impossible to obtain what we seek.
When we give up our power, we create a second childhood in adulthood. Invest in your own power and capacity to elicit positive reactions from the people you love. And, when you've tried your very best, it's just as important to know wen it's time to stop.
IG: @yourdiagnonsense - Todd Baratz, LMHC
