If I could find the time to find the Tarot deck I have hiding somewhere in my room, I am sure that I would have pulled out the Tower card today.
My Beloved creator, what secrets do You hide and then reveal, smashing it all up?
I thought I was in a good place. But then I realise that this ego of mine ensures that I delay every single good, healing session or action, it blocks it. I forget, or I distract myself by writing to strangers on Twin Flame forums, trying to persuade them to let go of their misconceptions, or on LinkedIn, trying to find some positive networking opportunity that would bring me my abundance.
It's all a smoke screen. Living weekend to weekend, not having souls friendships on which to lean on for love and support, not even BEING that friend myself because I can't cope, and most people I meet, I see their souls and the light and love, but that doesn't mean that there is a real connection.
My routine was changed for me in December and January. Majorly crippling flu that made me go a bit nuts. But at least it allowed me to book all the healing sessions that I have been denying myself.
And, the revelations. This is the second weekend my body feels as though a truck slammed into it. So much old crap that is stuck in my body. I can't speak for anyone else because our experiences are so varied. But my own body, my heart, my mind, my soul...
I've also finally removed enough to get things going. Finally sourced some plant medicine, need to journal every day.
I can divorce myself from the emotions and still see things from the condor's perspective. From soul perspective. This really is just ONE of my incarnations. It feels like this is the "s**t clearing" incarnation. That's all I've been doing, a lot of hard graft and little fun. Leaking energy, healing others through my life and my body and my mind. Portals, and all that stuff that I don't even have a conscious awareness of, eight years after superficially waking up.
I had a really awful panic attack at work on Friday, and that was a very humbling experience, because it was over a really silly mistake I made, and I judged myself and felt so much same. It was also in front of three colleagues of mine, which increased my shame.
I thought I was going to make a new friend, but the experience just showed me to have compassion for myself, the other person and circumstances, and to trust my radar.
These distractions are very valuable learning experiences, and luckily I don't even have to leave home and meet people whilst having them. This is such an introverted time for me, a time of massive self reflection and healing.
People are feeling the pushes and the discomfort, but most still distract and don't have an idea what's going on.
I heard about someone having just lost two young male friends to suicide over the Christmas period. The men are struggling a lot with the stuff, but so are the women.
It's no longer a gendered phenomenon, it's about who has the courage to heal and who doesn't.
I don't, I didn't, and then something awful or humiliating occurs, and I have to put my inner child back in focus. My self love in focus.
Sheru
Lion is a film. It is a divine film. It is a healing film. I began watching it on Wednesday, and cried and cried. It triggered something so raw inside of myself. Children are going through so much, as are the adults.
Now.
In 2019.
Now.
Then I had another Emotion Code session with my practitioner, and my inner child showed her a lot of things very traumatic past life that hadn't healed up until now.
Egypt, child, parents just dumped me in the street as a child and abandoned me. And I had to somehow survive. The police and adults tormented me, tortured me, harassed me, and I died of starvation. This is the second lifetime in Egypt, the first was with Imran - caused a lot of chaos, and died alone - again.
I'm crying as I write this.
It explains a lot about my fears. About being abandoned.
It explains why I used to be devastated every time someone left my life, friends, lovers.
Why I have closed my heart so much, I can't see beyond my pain.
Why I'm always scared of being poor and dying on the street.
Why I cry when I see that this stuff is being repeated daily in this insane planet.
Why I haven't felt safe anywhere on this planet, except in Najaf and Kerbala.
No child should still be going through this. No adult.
And now my life path has become much clearer.
I will work with the children, purely doing the healing work. Clear the emotions as I see them attach, so no one is living the life of a 34 year old but following traumas from birth onwards. Or past lives onwards.
There is now no need for it.
Anyway, what I must stress to the healers and the female twin flames, is please can we get over ourselves as far as the wound about being played a fool by a man or woman? Please can we?
There are bigger fish to fry.
All souls are one soul.
All of us are one soul.
All of us are from the same Creator and we need to do what we came here to do.
I would personally recommend Emotion Code as a good way to clear, and also Jane Ward as the healer. She's amazing, and very affordable compared to others equally good but expensive.
I now have to end, as the processing of this healing is continuing. I must sleep and heal.
I am grateful for this burden being taken away from me, my heart feels lighter, I am able to channel information a lot better, and I was able to do some shopping even though I did freak out towards the end.
Do the healing work until the time you are free. Commit to YOURSELF like no lover ever has or will do.
And be compassionate to all those who aren't on this same path, and those who will not choose to do this.
Because, it ain't easy. And I have noticed that souls have chosen easier and more flowing lives because they wanted a break to enjoy life. And sometimes be obnoxious as a result.
Such is the intricacy of existence.
